He's Loaded and Alone
by alaskan-crabber92
Summary: DEADLIEST CATCH: Phil is in the hospital. Can Jake rely on Sig Hansen's daughter and his best friend, Astri Hansen, to help him get clean? Can Josh rely on her to help him make the right choices when the time comes? Or will she break under the pressure?
1. Chapter 1

Alright, this is my first published attempt at a Deadliest Catch fanfic... So forgive me if it's horrid. :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Catch or any of the real life people. (Although I wish I did...) I just own Astri Hansen.

* * *

Jake Harris sat in the hotel room that he shared with his brother. _This shouldn't be happening to Pops, _he thought bitterly as he took another swig of whiskey from his fifth glass. _He didn't do anything to deserve this. _He sighed as he pulled out his cell phone. He saw that he had four missed calls from Josh and two from Astri Hansen, Sig's daughter and his best friend. Rolling his eyes and taking another swig of his drink, he closed out of his missed calls and pulled up his contacts. He quickly scrolled down and found what he was looking for. He tapped on the number and waited for it to start ringing.

"Yeah," a gruff, stressed voice answered on the other end.

"Hey, Sig. It's Jake Harris," he said quietly.

"Hey, kid," his voice softened. Sig rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "How's the old man?"

"I- I'm not there right now. Last time I saw him, the doctors said he was doing pretty good. Better than what they thought he'd be actually."

"Good news. I'm guessing you didn't call to talk to me," Sig half heartedly laughed. It seemed like no one on the Northwestern, or in the whole fleet for that matter, had laughed since the news of Phil had spread. It was like every one was scared to laugh or even smile at the moment. "Who did you need?"

"Um, is Anderson able to talk?" Jake had to talk to some one his age that wouldn't scream at him for something or take his brother's side. He just wanted some one to talk to that would listen and he couldn't talk to Josh or Astri.

"Yeah," Sig said, "Let me put her on auto and I'll go find him." Jake could hear Sig rummaging around and setting up autopilot and then walking down stairs to find the other Jake.

Suddenly there was a rustling noise on the other end, then some one sleepily mumbled, "Hello?"

"Hey, man. It's Jake." He felt bad for waking him up. Jake knew how tired Anderson had to be if he had just gotten off deck after a long grind.

"Hey, dude. How's Phil?" Anderson sat up and tried to wake himself up alittle. He swung his feet over the edge of his bunk and landed with a soft thud. He glanced over and saw Edgar roll over and face the wall. He sighed and made his way out into the hallway toward the galley.

"He's doing, uh, okay. The docs say he's doing better then what they had expected." Jake paused awkwardly then asked, "What's the word on your dad?"

Anderson sat down at the table and ran a hand through his shaggy hair, "They've, um, found his truck up on an old trail but they still haven't found him yet. I'm still hoping though."

"They'll find him. Don't worry, dude." Jake internally scoffed at himself. How could he comfort some one while his world was falling apart around him? How could he comfort some one while he's drunk?

"Thanks, man. You know Phil is gonna make it through this, right? He's gonna be okay." Anderson fought back tears as he spoke. During the time that the Cornelia Marie and the Northwestern had switched their Jakes, Phil had become like a second father to him. Even before then, Phil and Jake Anderson were good friends.

"Yeah," Jake mumbled, "I hope so." He glanced over at the clock by his bed. "Listen, man, it's getting later here so I know it's late up there and you've probably been working for days. I'll let you get back to bed."

"Alright, dude." He paused for a second, "Hey, Jake?

"Hmm?"

"If you need anything, man, you know you can call at any time."

Jake choked up. It was nice to have some one that would just _listen_ and be a friend. Astri, his best friend, was always mad at him him now and Josh was always screaming at him or too numb too even register what was going on. "Thanks, bro. I'll remember that."

"No problem. Talk to you later, dude."

"Later, man." Jake hung up the phone and placed it beside him in the window sill. He took a long drink from his glass and sighed when he finished it. Running a hand through his hair, he stood up and poured himself another glass. _I told the old man that I was gonna go get help,_ he thought as he walked from the desk that had the liquor to his suit case, _but tonight is one of those nights_. He reached inside and dug down to the bottom and pulled out a small orange bottle. He twisted the top to the right and poured out four pills. Jake quickly threw the pills to the back of his throat and took a drink of water from a water bottle he bough earlier. Groaning, he stood up and staggered a bit. A buzzing noise was coming from the window sill, telling Jake that his phone was ringing. _Jesus Christ..._ He walked over to where his phone was laying and picked it up. The screen said that Astri was calling. Against his better judgment, he slid his finger across the screen and answered it, "Hey, Astri."

"Jake? Where are you?" She asked worriedly.

"Don't worry. I'm safe. I just had to get away for a while," he mumbled.

There was silence on the other end of the phone then Astri finally spoke, "You sound drunk, Jacob. Where are you?"

He sighed and sat down in the window again. "I'm at the hotel. What does it matter?"

"What does it matter? Jake, you just admitted to your father, who is in the hospital if you forgot, that you're an addict. When you just up and leave like you did today, the people who care about you start to worry." Astri paused and sighed, "Jake, Phil was asking for you earlier. He asked where you were and Josh and I had to make up some bogus lie to tell him. We couldn't just say, 'Well, Phil, we don't really know where your youngest son, who is an addict, is. He left about ten minutes ago without saying anything to any one.'"

Suddenly, tears streamed down Jake's face. "I know, Astri. But I'm not used to this. I don't know what to do with myself as my dad sits in a hospital and dies. I'm lost, Astri. All I know to do is bottle everything up and drown my problems and numb the pain with pills."

She sighed, "Give me about ten minutes and I'll be at the hotel. Okay, Jake?"

Quietly, Jake mumbled, "Okay." Then a thought hit him, "Hey, Astri?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't bring Josh. Just you, okay?"

Astri smiled sadly, "Okay, Jake."

Jake hung up the phone and looked at the glass beside him. He took one last drink before walking over to the sink in the bathroom. He tipped the glass and watched as the dark liquid poured down the drain. _Waist of good alcohol but it's for the better... I think._ Jake didn't know what to do with himself until Astri got there so he walked back over to the window and looked out over Anchorage. He watched the lights of the cars as they drove past on the roads. He wished he was some one, _any_ one, else so he wouldn't have to deal with everything that was happening. His thoughts drifted from the present and on to the future to when, or _if_, he went to rehab. How hard would it be for him to give up his pills? It couldn't be that hard could it? _All I gotta do is make it through detox and just stay away from them. Simple as that, right?_

Before Jake realized that ten minutes had passed, he felt some one wrap their arms around his neck. He looked up and saw the all too familiar shoulder length blonde hair that belonged to Astri. He stood up and pulled her into a tight hug, holding her close.

She rested her head on his chest and sighed, "Are you okay?"

Jake let go and sat back down, patting a spot beside him, "Not really. I feel weak and I feel like this is partially my fault."

Astri looked at him questionably, "Why is that?"

"I don't know," he shrugged, "Kinda like, if I hadn't told dad that I'm an addict that he wouldn't have had the stroke."

"Jake," she soothed and stroked his hair, "it's not your fault. Your dad didn't have the best health and you know that. He used to smoke nine and a half packs a day and drink about five cases of Red Bull at the same time."

Jake nodded and looked at her, "What if he doesn't make it, Astri?"

Astri thought for a few minutes and then finally sighed, "I don't know, Jake. But what I do know is that I'm gonna be right beside you and Josh through it all." He nodded and grabbed her hand. He laced his fingers through hers, "Thank you, Astri. You really mean the world to me." He looked away and then looked back, "Can you help me make a reservation at a rehab in California tomorrow?"

The young woman's breath caught in her throat, "Of course, Jake." She looked over at the desk and saw the bottle of whiskey and the pill bottle sitting on the top of his suite case. She sighed and stood up, "How many glasses have you had?"

Jake thought back for a few seconds, "About five or six, I think."

Astri grabbed the bottle and walked over and grabbed the pill bottle, "How many of these?"

"Four." He watched her as she walked to the sink and turned the water on. He walked over and stood beside her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything except turning on the water. You, Jacob, are going to break your pills in half so they'll fit down the drain and then you're gonna pour your whiskey out." She watched him as he absorbed his instructions.

Jake inhaled deeply and then reached for his pills. One by one, he broke them in half and threw them down the drain. Next, he opened the bottle of alcohol and pour it down the drain. Once the bottle was empty, Jake threw it in the trash and turned back to Astri.

She looked at him for a few seconds then suddenly wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, "It's gonna be okay, Jake. I promise."

"Thanks, Astri," he mumbled as he buried his face in her neck.

Pulling away from him, she ran a hand through his hair, "Why don't you get some rest? You look like hell."

Jake half heartedly smiled, "You don't look much better."

She rolled her eyes and walked to the door. She called over her shoulder, "If you need anything, I'm just down the hall, okay?" Astri turned back as she opened the door and let out a gasp when she came face to chest with Josh. "Oh! Hi, Josh."

"Hey, Astri. Is Jake in there?" He looked over her into the room.

"Yeah." She looked over her shoulder and saw Jake pulling his shirt off. "Can I talk to you real quick?" Astri reached up and pushed Josh back into the hallway. "Look," she started, "he feels like Phil's stroke is his fault. So take it easy on him, okay? He asked me to help him make reservations at a rehab tomorrow."

Josh stared at her wide eyed, "Really?"

She nodded, "Yeah. But just be careful what you say tonight because he's pretty messed up right now."

He nodded, "I just wanna talk."

Astri nodded, "Okay. Well, I'm gonna go back to my room and catch some sleep. Goodnight, Josh." She hugged the oldest Harris boy tightly.

"Night, Astri," he hugged her back.


	2. Chapter 2

I t seemed like it had been only minutes since Astri had closed her eyes before some one began knocking on the door. The knocking finally stopped after a minute. _Thank God_, Astri groaned mentally. Her luck was short lived when her cell phone started blaring beside her bed. "This better be fucking good to wake me up," she complained. She reached over and looked at the screen. A picture of Johnathan Hillstrand with a baby King Crab came into view. Astri rolled her eyes and answered the phone, "Yes, Johnathan?"

"Answer your door," he said. "We may need to go break up a fight in a few minutes."

With that, Astri shot out of her bed and ran to the door. She flung the door open so hard that it hit the wall and almost slammed shut. She stepped out into the hallway and looked at Johnathan, "Has Edgar been drinking again?"

"No," he ran a hand over his face, "it's the boys this time. I think Jake is about to murder Josh. Or the other way around."

Astri started at him for a few seconds, mouth agape. Suddenly, she sprinted down the hallway toward the room where the Harris brothers were staying. When she reached the door, she leaned in to put her ear to the door but soon learned that she didn't need to. Isabella turned on John when he ran up beside her, "How long have they been doing this?"

"About twenty minutes," he said. "I haven't knocked yet. I figured that if it got too bad, you and I both could go in."

Astri nodded then cringed when she heard Josh yell, "Why do you think I was the one to arrange everything on the boat? Because I'm the that's responsible, Jake!"

"You really - you really need to shut your mouth," Jake shot back.

"Why? Because you don't wanna hear it? Because it's real?"

"No," Jake yelled. "I'm not- I'm not used to- to..."

There was a brief moment of silence until Josh spoke again, "What?"

"I'm not used to every one that I know and love fucking dyeing," Jake's voice cracked. "I'm not used to that, man."

Astri fought back tears. _I didn't know he was hurting this bad._ She ran a hand through her hair and looked at John, "What do we do? Do we need to go in there?"

John leaned toward the door as Josh yelled, "Then you need to go to rehab, Jake." He leaned against the wall and nodded slowly, "This breaks my heart."

Astri took a step toward the door and was about to knock when the door flew open to reveal a red-eyed Jake.

"You need to go out there and fix this. You know, dad would be real proud to know that you're sitting here getting fucked up," Josh finished.

Jake didn't hear anything of what Josh had just said. He was too shocked and embarrassed to see John and Astri. "As- Astri. What are you doing up?"

Josh pushed his way past his younger brother, "I'm going to the lounge." He walked past Astri and said, "We need to talk tomorrow."

"Okay," Astri replied numbly. She turned to Johnathan, "Can you go talk to Josh? I'll stay with Jake."

"It's okay, Astri. You don't have to stay," Jake mumbled.

"No, Jake," Astri said. "We need to talk." She turned back to face Johnathan when Jake walked back into his room, "I think he should stay with me tonight."

Johnathan nodded and walked off in the direction Josh had ran off in, "Make him go to rehab, Astri."

"I will," she called over her shoulder. Astri walked into the boys' room and found Jake sitting on the end of his bed. She sat down beside him and pulled him into an embrace, "What happened, Jake?"

He sat still for a few seconds and then he finally shrugged, "I don't know. He walked in and he was pretty chill. Then we started talking and he started screaming, 'Are you fucked up, Jake?' So I told him the truth that I was and he started going on a rampage and started threatening me."

"Did you tell him that you're going to rehab?"

"No."

"Why not, Jake? He probably woulda calmed down if you would have told him."

"Because he wouldn't have believed me and I heard you tell him when you left."

Astri let go of him and put her hands on either side of his face to make sure he would look at her, "Jake, he needs to hear it from your mouth. He wants to know that _you_ made the decision and that you weren't forced into it by me." She held his gaze, "Josh is hurting and he's scared like all of us are. No one gets "used" to people that they love dyeing, Jake. But it's a part of life." She put her forehead against his and closed her eyes as he did the same, "And I know for a fact that Phil wants you to go to rehab more than anything, Jacob." She leaned back and looked at him, "I know I do."

Jake sighed and nodded, "I know. And I'm gonna do this. I have to. I promised dad and I wanna do this for you and Josh."

Astri smiled and stood up, "I'm proud of you, Jacob. Now, pack your stuff."

"What? Why?"

"You're gonna stay with me. I really don't want to have to tell Phil that his oldest son killed his youngest son," she helped some clothes that were thrown on the floor.

Jake mumbled something under his breath and started to throw some clothes in his bag, He was stuffing a shirt into the corner of this duffle bag when he felt something. He shifted his clothes over to get a better look and saw that it was another pill bottle. For a split second, he thought about telling Astri. _Just in case_, he thought has he tucked it back under his clothes. Jake stood up and zipped the duffle back and looked over at AstriAstri.

She pushed herself from the door frame she had been leaning on, "Ready?"

"I guess," he mumbled as he slung the bag over his shoulder. He glanced around the room to double check to see if he left anything. As they walked down the hall toward Astri's room, Jake thought to himself, "It's just one night. Then I'm gonna be gone to rehab."

Astri unlocked her door and glanced over her shoulder at Jake, "Mi casa es su casa, Señor Harris."

Jake half heartedly smirked, "You really don't have to do this, Astri. I could take Josh if he tried to start anything."

The young woman rolled her eyes, "Jake, you're slightly intoxicated still and Josh is about four or five inches taller than you. Just stay with me tonight and we'll make your plans for rehab tomorrow."

Jake hesitated for a second and then walked into the room. He glanced around and saw that the room was exactly like his and Josh's except it only had one bed. "What, uh, what about where I'm gonna sleep?"

Astri walked in behind him, "I was just gonna sleep on the floor. You can take the bed. I don't care."

Jake set his bag down and looked at Astri, "No way. This is your room, Astri. You sleep in the bed and I'll take the floor."

She sat on the edge of her bed and ran a hand through her hair, "Alright. We both know that neither one of us wants to sleep on the floor. So, why don't we just share the damn bed?"

Jake had to fight not to smile, "We could do that I guess." He pulled off his shirt and hesitated. He thought for a second then decided to strip down to his boxers. Jake climbed in bed and put his arm behind his head to watch Astri put her hair up.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled, "Just like on the boat, huh?"

"Yeah," he grinned, "except this time we aren't sharing a room with Josh and the room isn't rocking like mad. But besides all that, yeah, it's just like the boat."

Astri climbed into bed and faced Jake as he stared at the ceiling, "What is it, Jake?"

"Nothin'."

"Don't like to me, Jake. I know when you are. So tell me, what is it?"

Jake took a deep breath, "Everything. Dad is in the hospital, Josh is pissed beyond belief with me, and I'm gonna be leaving for rehab in a few days." He thought for a second then spoke again, "With pops in the hospital and all now, I've just been thinking alot lately. When I was little, I would try so damn hard to get dad's attention when he was home."

"Why?"

"Because Josh was his first son. Dad always looked at Josh. He hardly ever looked at me unless I did something wrong. I mean, I know he loves both of us but I didn't get the same amount of attention." He laid on his side and looked at AstriAstri, "Ya know, Josh was a football start in high school. When Josh was scoring touch downs, I was in the parking lot, scoring a bag of weed. That's when it all started."

"When the drugs started?"

"Yeah. That's when I started using here and there. And when I started working with dad, I hurt my back and I got some pills from the doc." He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "After that I couldn't stop." He groaned, "God! I'm a terrible son, brother, and best friend."

Astri sat up and looked Jake dead in the eye, "Jacob, you seriously have to get over this self pity shit. You made the decision to go to rehab and get better for your dad. You're a great son. Granted you make stupid choices but every one makes mistakes at times."

He sat in silence for a moment then nodded, "I guess so. But before I go to rehab, I just wanna stay here for a few days and makes sure pops is stable."

Astri nodded and laid now beside him, "We can do that." She turned and faced the wall, her back to Jake.

After a minute, she heard Jake reach up and turn the light off. After he laid down again and got comfortable, he turned and faced Astri's back. He put his right arm around her waist and pulled her close. He smiled to himself when he felt her snuggle up against his chest. He kissed her cheek and whispered, "Just like the boat, huh?"

She smiled and moved closer to him, "Yeah, Jake. Just like the boat."


	3. Chapter 3

The knocking continued for what seemed forever to Astri and Jake. After a few minutes, Astri got fed up and stumbled blindly to the door, half asleep. She cracked the door and winced when the light hit her eyes. She blinked a few times and looked up, "Josh?"

Josh smiled apologetically, "Hey, Astri."

"What are you doing up? What time is it?"

He glanced at his phone, "Almost nine. Um, I was wondering if we could go get some breakfast and talk?"

Astri nodded her head, "Yeah, um, just give me a second to change." She walked back into her room and looked back at Josh, "You can come in, Josh. Just be quiet; Jake is still asleep."

Josh nodded and quietly closed the door behind him, "Jake stayed with you?"

The young woman nodded, "Yeah. John and I didn't want to be witnesses to a murder."

He laughed quietly, "Could you please change? I'm starving."

Astri rolled her eyes as she pulled on her dad's old Northwestern sweatshirt, "Shut up, Joshua." She grabbed a pair of jeans off of the floor and walked to the bathroom to finish changing.

Josh smiled to himself and glanced ver toward his younger brother's sleeping form. His heart clenched when he thought about the fight Jake was about to go through. _It's a long road, bro. But it's worth it,_ he thought. He grinned when he saw Jake smiled in his sleep. _I love you, Jacob. And dad does too. You'll get through this._

Astri walked out of the bathroom and cleared her throat, "You ready?"

Josh snapped out of his daze and smiled at her, "Yeah." He walked past her, toward the door, and looked back at her, "Does your dad know you have his sweatshirt?"

She laughed and nodded, "He found out when he unpacked his stuff on the boat. He called me on the SAT phone, 'Where's my jacket? I know I packed it! I swear, Astri Freya Hansen, if you took it I'm going to kill you.'"

Josh laughed as they walked down the hallway, "What did you tell him?"

"I told him I have it. After I told him, he get really quiet and then he said, 'You're going to be the death of me, vakker.'"

"Vakker?"

"Yeah," she smiled up at Josh, "It's Norwegian for beautiful. Sig can never stay mad at me."

"It also doesn't help that your uncles spoil you," Josh sighed as he braced himself for the cold.

Astri laughed and pulled her hood up, "Yeah, that too. Norman and Edgar have always spoiled me."

They walked in comfortable silence until they got to Josh's truck. He quickly started the engine to get it warm. Josh smiled apologetically, "Sorry. So where do you wanna go eat?"

"How about that cute little German place just down the street?"

"Sounds good. I was actually hoping you were going to say that." After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again, "So did Jake give you any trouble last night?"

Astri shook her head, "None at all. He asked if he could stay in town for a few days just to make sure everything is okay with Phil before he leaves for rehab."

He sighed, "I would rather he goes sooner. What do you think?"

"I don't think we should rush him. If we do, he may freak out, change his mind, and start popping pills then what he was and God knows what else."

Josh paused for a moment minute and thought it over, "I guess so."

Suddenly, Astri's pocket started to buzz. She reached in her back pocket and pulled out her phone. "Oh," she said, "Dad is calling me." She slid her finger across the screen, "Hello?"

"Heissan vakker. How are you?"

"Hey, dad. I'm good. How's the fishing?"

"Pretty damn good," Sig laughed on the other end. "So do you happen to be with one of the boys?"

"I'm with Josh," she glanced over at him and found him watching her, "Why?"

"Can I talk to him? I just wanna see how Phil is doing and how they're holding up."

"Sure." She held the phone out to Josh, "He wants to talk to you and see how Phil is doing."

"Okay." He took the phone, "Hey, Sig."

"Hey, kid. How are you?"

Josh ran a hand over his face, "I'm holding on. Barely."

"I feel ya. How's Jake?"

"Well," he sighed, "he agreed to go to rehab in a few days. Astri talked him into it last night."

"Rehab?" Sig glanced around the wheelhouse to make sure he was alone. "For what?"

"You don't know?" Josh looked over at Astri to see her shrug her shoulders. "Well, a few days before dad, uh, had his stroke, he caught Jake taking some of his pain killers. And Jake told the old man that he was an addict."

Sig's jaw dropped, "Are you kidding me?" He looked back over his left shoulder as some one walked up the stairs.

Edgar waved and sat down in the co-captain chair. He noticed his brother's facial expression, "What? What happened? Is Phil okay?"

Sig waved his hand and turned back to the phone, "So Astri talked him into rehab?"

"Yeah," Josh pulled into the parking lot and put his truck in park, "And the doctors said that dad is doing remarkably well for his condition. Astri and I are gonna get some breakfast and then I'm gonna head up to the hospital. They've gotta run some tests this morning."

Sig nodded and looked over at Edgar, "Wanna talk to Astri?"

"Sure," Edgar got up and walked over to his older brother.

"Well, kid, I hope everything goes good with Jake and Phil is gonna pull through."

"Thanks, Sig."

"Hand the phone to Astri, please. And tell her don't hang up until she talks to me again."

Josh did what Sig said and Astri picked up the phone, "Hello?"

"Hey, vakker," Edgar said.

"Hey, Ed! How are you, kjekk?"

"Jeg er god. Å fisking er god også. Hvordan er du?"

"Jeg er god også. Akkurat trett. Godt vil jeg la deg får tilbake å arbeide. Jeg elsker deg! Fortell Norman at jeg elsker ham også," she laughed.

"Vil gjøre. Jeg elsker deg også, Astri." Edgar smiled and handed the phone back to Sig. "Ya know," he started, "it's good to hear her speak Norwegian."

Sig laughed and put the phone to his ear, "Well, I don't have much to say but that I'm proud of you for talking Jake into rehab and that I love you."

"Thanks, dad," she smiled. "I love you too."

"Take care of those boys. Got it?"

"Yes, sir." She hung up the phone and looked over at Josh, who was smiling. "What?"

"It's awesome hearing you speak Norwegian. You're such a Hansen it's not even funny."

Astri rolled her eyes, "Well, duh... Any way, are we just going to sit here or are we going to go in?

Josh held up his hands in mock surrender, "Fine, fine."

They got out of the truck and quickly walked inside to avoid the light snow fall and cold. Once they were inside, they shook off the snow and sat down in a little table in the corner, "So," Astri said as she looked at the menu, "what made you want to get breakfast so early?"

Josh looked up, "Ca a friend not take a friend out to breakfast?"

"Cut the crap, Josh," she rolled her eyes. "You said last night before you stormed of that you wanted to talk."

He sat back in his seat and sighed, "I don't think dad is going to pull through, Astri."

Astri nearly spit her coffee out, "Why would you say that, Josh?"

"Look at him, Astri," Josh leaned forward again. "He used to do every drug known to man, drink Red Bull like it was going out of style, smoke nine and a half packs a day, and doesn't eat the healthiest. He may live through this but he wont be able to fish and run all of his companies. Some one is going to have to take over."

She looked at him for a while then spoke, "And you want that some one to be you?"

"I don't _want _it to be me," he took off his beanie and ran a hand through his hair, "But it can't be Jake."

"What if -"

Josh interrupted, "I don't want him to run dad's businesses into the ground. He's twenty four and already going to rehab for a drug habit."

"He's going to get clean so he'll be here for you and Phil."

"No," Josh shook his head, "He's going because he got busted taking dad's pills. He's going because he's embarrassed we found out so he's gonna go get clean."

"He's going because he promised Phil he would," Astri said. Her patience was wearing thin with Josh. The combination of little to no sleep, stress about Phil, and trying to keep the boys from killing each other was quickly taking a toll on her. Now that Josh seemed to be determined to label his little brother as a helpless drug addict was also wearing on her. _He's just tired, stressed, and disappointed_, Astri thought. '_If it was the other way around, it'd be the same way_. Astri looked back at Josh, "He's going because he knows that there's a chance Phil may not make it out of this at all and he wants your dad to know that he kept one of his promises for once."

Josh looked away and sighed, "Sorry about all that, Astri. I'm just frustrated with the whole situation."

She nodded, "I am too. And so is Jake so take it easy on him."

"I know," he trailed off.

"Do me a favor please."

He raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.

"When Jake gets back from rehab, give him the chance to show you if he's changed or not."

Josh paused and thought for a few minutes, "Alright. And I need you to do me a favore too."

"What's that?"

"Help me make the right decisions when the time comes. Don't let me mess everything up."

Astri nodded, "I'll be here, waiting, if you need me."

* * *

Translation!

Heissen vakker - hello beautiful

kjekk- handsome

Jeg er god. Å fisking er god også. Hvordan er du? - I'm good. The fishing is good to. How are you?

Jeg er god også. Akkurat trett. Godt vil jeg la deg får tilbake å arbeide. Jeg elsker deg! Fortell Norman at jeg elsker ham også. - I'm good too. Just tired. Well, I'll let you get back to work. I love you! Tell Norman I love him too.

Vil gjøre. Jeg elsker deg også, Astri. - Will do. I love you too, Astri


	4. Chapter 4

Alright... I know it's short. Don't worry, I promise chapter five will be up ASAP and longer. (I _hope_ it will be be anyway... lol!)

* * *

Josh and Astri sat and talked at the small German cafe. "God," Josh smiled, "it feels so good to laugh."

"I know," Astri said, "it feels like it's been ages since I've smiled." Her phone began to ring. She looked down at the screen, "It's Jake." She answered, "Morning, sunshine."

"Hey," he said sleepily, "Where are you?"

"Josh and I went out to get breakfast," she said. "Do you want anything?"

"Nah," he yawned, "I'm too hung over to eat. When are you guys going to be back?"

"In a few. I was actually going to see if you want to go up to the hospital?"

There was silence on the other end as Josh looked expectantly at her. "Sure," Jake finally mumbled.

"Okay," she smiled. "We'll come get you in a few. I'll call you when we get close."

"Right on," he hung up.

Josh took a long drink from his coffee, "So, Jake is going to go to the hospital to see dad with us?"

"That's what he said," Astri shrugged.

He stood up and tossed her his keys, "I'll go pay if you'll go warm the truck up."

"Deal!" She stood up and walked outside, pulling her hood up. As she walked to the truck, she thought about what may happen in the next few months; maybe even weeks. _Am I going to be able to help the boys through this? I've never had to help any one cope with losing a loved one or help them deal with a stroke patient. Am I going to be able to handle all of this? _Astri rolled her eyes, _What am I talking about? Phil is gonna make it through this._ She unlocked the truck and cranked it, blasting the heater. _Won't he? _

Suddenly, Josh threw open the driver's side door, scaring Astri. "Sorry," he huffed. "It's freezing out there."

When Astri's heart finally stopped racing, she said, "Yeah. You scared the hell out of me."

He smiled, "Sorry about that." He cussed under his breath and pulled his phone out. After a few minutes he hung up and looked over at Astri, "Well, we don't have to go get Jake. He called a cab and he's on the way to the hospital."

"That was fast."

"Yeah. He said he wanted a few minutes alone with pops before we get there."

Astri nodded, "He probably wants to tell Phil he's going to rehab without us breathing down his neck."

Josh halfheartedly laughed, "I hope he does."

When Astri and Josh got to the hospital, Josh froze before they got to Phil's room. Astri looked back at him, "Are you coming?"

Josh stayed where he was, "Yeah. I – It's just, uh, really hard for me to see dad like this. He's so strong and then this happened."

Her voice softened as she walked back over to him and took his hand, "I know, Josh. But you have to go see him. He wants you here."

He nodded slowly and began walking again. When they reached the room, Josh reached up and knocked quietly.

From inside, Jake answered, "Come on in, guys."

Astri glanced at Josh and saw him gulp hard. "It'll be okay, Josh," she whispered. "I'm here if you need me."

"I know," he mumbled. He opened the door and walked into the room, still hand in hand with Astri.

From the bed, Phil smiled when he saw his oldest son and Astri walk in. He lifted his hand and waved them over.

Josh walked over and leaned down so Phil could tell him something. After a few seconds, Josh stood up and looked down at his dad with tear filled eyes, "I know, pops. She's gonna go back out next season. And I know she's a sweet girl."

Phil nodded and waved Astri over. Jake let go of his dad's left hand so she could get beside the bed. As she walked past Jake, she saw that he had tears quickly running down his face. She smiled at Phil, "Hey, old man. How are you feeling?"

He shrugged and motioned for her to lean down, "You sure Sig will let you go next season?"

She smiled, "He's let me go for the last two years so why not?"

Phil smiled then whispered, "Take care of my boys. I love them too much for anything bad to happen to them. Especially Jake; keep him in check."

Astri's vision suddenly became blurry from tears, "I know and I'll take care of them. I promise."

Jake walked up beside her. He cleared his throat, "Well, pops. I, uh, wanted to wait until Josh and Astri got here to tell you something."

Phil made his classic "Well, I'm waiting" face.

"I'm, uh, leaving for rehab in a few days."

A smile spread across Phil's face as he reached for his son's hand, "I'm proud of you, kid."

Jake forced back tears, "Thanks, dad. I just wanna make sure you're okay and then I'll be on my way to get better."

Phil rolled his eyes, "I'm alright, Jacob. I'm very proud of you though."

Jake opened his mouth to say something and then he stopped. Astri shifted her weight so she could see his face and found him crying again. She wrapped her arm around his waste and laid her head on his shoulder. She glanced over the bed and saw Josh crying too. Jake got himself together again, "Thanks, dad." He leaned down and kissed his dad's forehead.


	5. Chapter 5

I know, I know. It's not as long as you guys probably wanted it... But school and work is swamping me. /: I promise one of the next few chapters will be longer.

* * *

Josh thought for a second and then spoke, "Hey, Jake. Can I talk to you real quick outside?"

Astri felt Jake stiffen beside her. The boys hadn't made eye contact since Josh and her had gotten there. "Sure," Jake mumbled. He let go of Astri's hand and followed Josh into the hallway.

She glanced over at Phil who looked at her, toward the door, then back at her and raised his eyebrow. "Um," she stuttered, "they got into a really bad fight last night at the hotel. John and I had to go in and break it up."

Phil sighed exasperatedly and roll his eyes again.

"I feel the same way," she mumbled as she glanced toward the closed door. She looked back over at Phil and saw he was still waiting for the explanation as to the why the argument started in the first place. "After Jake left last night, he went back to the hotel and got messed up. Josh didn't like it too much and he told Jake how he felt. Jake didn't like that too much. It was to the point of them screaming."

He slowly shook his head. "Those boys," he mumbled, "Always out to kill each other."

Astri sat down in a chair beside Phil and sighed. _Who is going to make sure these boys don't kill each other when Phil is gone? _She hated thinking like that but since Phil had his stroke a few weeks ago, the situation had really opened her eyes as it had done for Jake and Josh as well. _He's not going to be around forever. So are the boys ever going to grow up and get a grip on life?_

Outside in the hallway, Jake leaned carelessly on the wall and watched Josh as he quietly shut the door. "What do you want to talk to me about," Jake asked.

Josh sighed and turned around to face him, "I want to apologize, man."

"For what?"

"For last night. I'm – I'm just stressed about all of this. You just happened to be there and you were messed up," Josh trailed off.

Jake stared speechless at his brother for a while and then finally found something to say, "I just _happened_ to be there?" Jake's anger was starting to rise and he found it hard to control the overwhelming want to punch Josh in the jaw.

"I told Astri I only wanted to talk. And I honestly did. But it really pissed me off you were drunk." He ran a hand over his face, "I just don't understand how you can bottle all of this up and then just drink it all away."

"And I don't understand how you haven't shed a damn tear since all of this happened. You've been so calm and collected and all you worry about is what's going to happen to the boat. Well guess what, Josh. We have bigger things to worry about. Our dad is laying in that bed inside that room dieing," Jake's voice started to rise and his frustration shot through the roof. He had to struggle to keep from screaming. He took a deep breath and looked way from Josh, staring out of the window down the hallway.

"You think I don't know that, Jacob? I understand that. But roaming the halls of this hospital, crying, isn't going to fix a damn thing. Neither is going back to the hotel and getting shitfaced," Josh said through gritted teeth. He calmed himself down so he could actually say what he wanted to in the first place.

Jake refused to look at him. He shook his head and pushed himself off of the wall, "Whatever, Josh. You know I'm going to rehab so I don't know why you brought that up again." He shook his head again and was about to say something when Josh suddenly cut him off by pulling him into an embrace.

"Look, bro. I just want to say I'm proud of you for going to rehab and that I'm sorry for the way I handled last night."

Jake stood rigid, not hugging him back. "Wha – What are you doing?"

"I'm apologizing, Jake. I was a jackass and I'm going to help you get through this. Right now, we don't need to be pissed at each other or hate each other. We have to stick together to get through this, whatever the outcome is." Slowly, Jake hugged Josh back. After a few moments, Josh let go of him and stepped back. "When you get back, I'm going to need your help."

Jake eyed him, "With what?"

"With dad's stuff. Yeah, he may make it through but – but, uh, he won't be the same."

Jake rolled his eyes, "There you go again with all of dad's businesses! What's with you? Are _father_ is in the fucking hospital, dieing and all you care about is making money!"

Josh was instantly furious, "Look, Jacob. I get it! I know dad's situation is shit! I know what's happening. But one day he won't be here and we'll have all his shit to take over."

"Can't you worry about that later? You have you're whole life to make money. Dad may not have that much longer and you have your nose jammed in his record books. Have you noticed that the doctors say he's doing great but he doesn't _look_ great?"

Josh froze. Jake was right. The doctors were telling him and Johnathan that Phil was doing remarkably well for what they had presumed he would be doing at that point. But whenever Josh walked into his dad's room, he looked sicker and sicker every day. The life was literally leaving his eyes, more and more every day. Phil was losing the battle he had fought so hard for the past few weeks.

The color drained from Josh's face as he slid down the wall. "You're right, Jake," he mumbled. He sat on the floor and stared at the wall in front of realization of it all hit him like a brick wall at a hundred miles an hour. _How could I not have seen it? I wanted to believe the doctors so bad that dad was going to get better and we'll all go back to the boat __and we'll finish out the season like nothing happened._ He looked up at Jake, who was still standing, "He's dieing, dude. He's really dieing this time."

Jake sat down beside him, "Yeah, he is. You finally see what's actually happening. Now you know why I've been so pissed you haven't showed any emotion at all."

Josh nodded numbly, "He may not make it, Jake." He felt something slide down the side of his face and reached up to touch it. He looked down and found a tear on his fingers. Finally, Josh was crying and realized what was actually happening to his family. His dad was dieing and his younger brother was about to leave for rehab. The only two people he had to rely on immediately if things got really bad were Johnathan and Astri. He was about to be a lone Harris while Jake was away. "What are we going to do," Josh whispered.

"Let's cross that bridge when we get there," Jake said quietly. "And let's hope to God we don't get there soon."

Josh nodded and continued to cry. He faintly heard the door to his dad's room open and then close again. He felt some one kneel down and wrap their arm around his shoulders and pulled him close. Josh didn't have to look up to know who it was.

"It finally hit you, didn't it," Astri whispered as she held Josh and let him cry.

He nodded, "Yeah, it did. I hadn't realized how bad it was until I took a step back and Jake slapped some sense into me. I can't believe I've been so ignorant.

Jake reached over and put his arm around Josh's shoulders. "It's just the way you cope with it all, man," he said quietly.

Josh stopped crying after a few minutes and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He leaned his head back and looked over at Jake and halfheartedly laughed, "It's bad when your little brother who's an addict has to make you realize that you're dad isn't doing so well because you chose to ignore it."

Jake shrugged and grinned, "I do what I can, dude."


	6. Chapter 6

The boys and Astri sat in Phil's room, talking and laughing at stories that they were telling. They had been talking for about two hours when Johnathan walked in. Phil smiled and gave him the bird. Jake and Josh busted into laughter when Johnathan returned it. "I see you're feeling good today," John said as he shook his best friend's hand. He glanced around and smiled at the boys and Astri, "So what's going on in here?"

Josh shrugged, "Just talking about old times and when the three of us were younger."

"Remember that time when we were in ninth grade, Astri, and I tried to impress you by taking dad's bike out for a spin," Jake laughed.

Astri thought back and remembered, "Yeah! You just showed up at my house one day. My dad asked if Phil knew you had his bike and you were like, 'Oh, yeah! He knows!' Sig didn't believe you for a freaking second, kid."

Movement from the bed caught every one's attention. They all looked over at Phil who was holding a piece of paper. Josh stood up and walked over to read it out loud, "I knew all along." He turned back around and face John, Jake, and Astri. Instantly, every one, including Phil, erupted into laughter.

"Are you serious?" Jake groaned, "I was freaking out for like, the rest of the day that you would find out I put it on it's side when I got home."

Phil nodded and wrote something down, "Sig called me and told me you took it."

"Thanks, Sig," Jake mumbled under his breath. "I even replaced the damn handle bars. With my own money! I thought I hid it pretty well for like, two years."

Josh laughed, "Didn't you end up telling him two years later?"

Phil nodded and mumbled, "Yeah, the idiot told me."

"You already knew, dad!" He looked over at Astri, "Remember when I was grounded forever? Yeah, _that's _why I was grounded for so damn long."

Every one laughed wholeheartedly. Astri tried to compose herself enough to speak, "I always thought it was something serious."

Phil suddenly started to write something. He held it up and Josh read it again. He laughed when he read it, "Dad says that it was serious."

Johnathan looked over at Jake and asked, "Why did you tell him anyway?"

Jake shrugged, "We were joking around like this one day and I was like, 'Hey, dad. Guess what! I took your bike out with Astri one day and I messed up the handle bars. But don't worry! That was like, two years ago and I fixed them.'" He looked over at Phil and smiled and prepared to do an impression of his dad, "He was like, 'What? You're a fucking idiot, Jacob! You're grounded!' He grounded me on the spot for something that happened two years before I told him."

Phil smiled and then motioned for Jake to come over to the bed. He reached up and pulled him down so he could say something. After a minute, he let go of Jake and messed up his hair.

Jake smiled sadly, "Don't be sorry, pops. I was a dumb ass punk back then."

Phil rolled his eyes, "You still are, Jacob."

He nodded, "I know, dad. I get it from you though."

The room exploded with laughter again and Phil nodded, "Yeah, you do."

"Maybe I imagined this," Josh laughed, "but I swear it happened. When I was about ten or eleven, I remember walking onto the back porch at your house, dad, and you were smoking an-"

"That happened a lot, Josh," Johnathan interrupted.

"I'm not finished yet, damn it. Any way, I remember walking out and asking you if I could go fishing with you one day. You reached into your pocket, pulled out your pack, stuck a cigarette in my mouth and told me that if I wanted to be a man that I would have to prove it to you," he looked over at his dad. "Did I make that up or something?"

Phil shook his head and wrote something down on the paper. He held it up so Josh could read it, "That really did happen. And I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have done that."

Josh smiled and shook his head, "I don't care, dad!"

"See this scar," Johnathan said, holding up his right arm. "I got this from a game Phil and I used to play." He looked at Phil and laughed, "Remember when we were younger, before either of us had kids, and we would get waisted and then see who was "more of a man" by putting our arms on the table and and putting a cigarette between our arms? And whoever pulled away first lost?"

Jake held up his left arm, "I have a scar from that too. I hate that game. When you start smelling burning flesh and you know its your's, you instinctively pull away."

Astri had taken a step back and was watching the Harris family interact and goof off and how Johnathan was doing with everything that had happened. She smiled and thought to herself, _Maybe everything will actually be okay._

Johnathan was telling a story about when the Time Bandit crew egged the Cornelia Marie when there was a quiet knock at the door.

Josh leaned over the back of his chair and called, "Come in!"

An average height, skinny woman walked in. She had lightly tanned skin and midnight black hair. The woman wore fitted jeans, a blue blouse and, what seemed to Astri, biker boots.

Astri knew instantly who the woman was. So did Johnathan and the boys. So did Phil. His eyes widened as he recognized her, "Mary?"

Jake and Josh stood up at the same time. Jake took a step backwards as she walked closer to the middle of the room. Josh glared at her, "What are you doing here, mom?"

She smiled at Jake and Josh, "Hey, guys. How are you?"

The room was dead silent until Jake broke it, "How the hell do you _think_ we are?"

Hurt flashed across Mary's face but she quickly recovered and smiled at Phil, "Hey, honey. How are you doing?" Phil shrugged and glanced at his sons. Something must have been said telepathically because Josh nodded slowly, still glaring at his mother, and grabbed Jake by the elbow and drug him out of the room.

Johnathan walked over and put his arm around Astri, "C'mon," he whispered, "let's give them some time."

"Wait," Mary looked hard at Astri. "You're Astri Hansen aren't you?"

She looked at Mary a second and nodded, "Yes, ma'am."

"Wow. You're beautiful. I haven't seen you in years," Mary wondered to herself more than to any one in particular.

"You haven't seen me or your sons since you left, Miss Harris," Astri shot back. Johnathan tightened his grasp on her shoulders and led her out of the door. If it had been any other day, a _normal _day, Astri would have never had said such a thing. She was raised better than that. But something about Mary Harris just pissed her off whenever she saw her.

Jake was pacing the hallway when Astri and Johnathan walked out. His fists clenched and relaxed as his heart pounded. _What the hell is she doing here? How the hell does she know?_ He turned on Josh, "How?"

Josh looked up from picking at his hands, "How what?" He looked at Jake's hands as they clenched again, "Dude, what's wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?" Jake fumed, "What the hell is _she_ doing here? Does she think that since all of that shit happened a few years ago, she can just walk back in and hope we can be a happy family again?"

Josh looked back at his hands, "I don't know, man. But I'll tell you one thing, I'm not very happy about it."

"How did she find out though?"

"Murray could have told her. When I called and told him about all of this, he asked if I had called Mary and I told him that I hadn't. I didn't really make it clear that I didn't want to, I guess."

Jake looked away from his brother and glared at the door, "I can't believe she had the balls to show up."

Astri walked over and rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down, "She's here to see Phil. Knowing her, she won't try to make amends with you two or any of us."

Jake looked down at her and snarled, "She's notorious for that." He glared back at the door as if he could see through it, "Could this whole thing get any worse?"


	7. Chapter 7

Astri, Johnathan, and the boys stood out in the hallway for what seemed like forever but was only twenty minutes. Every five minutes, Jake would check his phone and continue to stare at the door. Johnathan had gotten tired of standing and was now sitting on the floor, ready to pass out every time he blinked. Josh and Astri had walked down the hallway to the vending machines to get some drinks. Astri unfolded a dollar and asked, "So how did it go with Jake earlier? Besides the fact that it all hit you at once."

Josh sighed, "It was okay. I apologized for last night and told him I'm proud of him for going to rehab. I just wish he would leave sooner so he won't be tempted to do anything stupid again."

She nodded and pushed a button on the machine, "I'm going to keep a close eye on him while he's here."

"You don't have to do that, Astri."

"Look," she said, "you have enough to worry about with Phil. You shouldn't have to worry about Jake too. Just let me help you with this, Josh."

"We shouldn't have to worry about him in the first place," he mumbled. "But people make stupid choices."

Astri nodded and waited patently for Josh to get his drink. As they were walking back to the room, they saw Johnathan and Jake talking to Mary. The pair quickly began to walk faster and joined the group.

"Hey, Joshua," she smiled. She looked at Astri and her smile left her face, "Astri."

Astri glared back at her, "Mary." She looked over at Jake and saw his jaw was clenched, "What's going on?"

"I was just talking to my son and Johnathan," Mary replied coldly.

"About what?"

"Family issue." Mary turned and faced Astri completely, "I meant to ask, what are you doing up here any way? Shouldn't you be with Sig?"

"You've really forgotten haven't you?" Astri set the drinks down and wiped her hands on her jeans, "Before you got upset and left because Phil wouldn't quit what he loves to do and stay home with you since you're so needy, the boys and I were inseparable. And you always tried to tell my mom that it wasn't right for a girl to be around two boys but we stayed together. And I'm here because their _mother_,who they need most in a time like this, left and hadn't even tried to contact them over the years. I'm the only woman who has been in their lives through the hard times."

Josh stared at Astri wide eyed and glanced at his mother. She had her chin held high, looking down on Astri with a glare from hell. "I left," Mary hissed, "because I couldn't stand to be with some one who might not come home. I wanted to know he was safe and the only time I knew that is when he would call me from an offload."

"No," Astri shook her head, "you wanted him home because you knew he loves fishing more than anything. And you were even more pissed when Josh called you and told you that he and Jake were going to work on the Cornelia."

"I was mad that they wanted that life."

"You know why they wanted that life? Because their father is a legend. You, Mary, are so needy and so jealous that you couldn't stand for him to be gone, making money for his family so he could provide for them." She took a deep breath, "My father is a fisherman and my mother and I learned to deal with him being gone. You never _wanted_ to know how. Honestly, now I realize that you only wanted to be with Phil for his money."

Mary stared at Astri for a long time. She had to admit, Astri had the Hansen attitude. But what shocked her the most is that Astri was right. All she wanted was a normal life with a normal husband and normal kids. But Phil couldn't give up fishing.

Josh cleared his throat after a few minutes of silence, "Well, uh, mom, it was good to see you." He put his hand on Astri's shoulder, "We'll let you get back to your conversation." He pushed Astri toward the door.

"It was fantastic seeing you, Miss Harris," Astri spat as she picked up the drinks and walked inside the room.

"No," Jake said, "there isn't a conversation to finish." He glared at his mother, "She's was just leaving. Right, _mom_?"

She didn't say anything but nodded slowly and turned to walk down the hallway. She turned back around, "It's good to know you're okay, Jacob." Mary turned back around and walked down the hallway and disappeared around a corner.

"You would have known along time ago I'm not okay if you would have just called," Jake said under his breath. He watched her walk out of his life for the second time again. His mind raced with memories of when he was seventeen and his dad called him up to the wheelhouse to tell him that Mary had filed for divorce as soon as that Opilio season ended. He had collapsed on the bench behind the captain's chair and put his head in his hands. But that was a while ago. He couldn't careless what his mother did now. He just didn't want her back in his life so she could mess it all up again.

Johnathan walked up beside him, "That was interesting. I never realized how much Astri acts like her dad until now."

Jake snapped out of his daze and looked at Johnathan, "Yeah, it's almost creepy at times."

Johnathan nodded and walked back into Phil's room.

Jake followed and flopped down in one of the chairs. He smiled as Astri handed him a Red Bull. Phil motioned toward the can, asking for one. Jake looked down at the can and looked back, "You want one?"

Phil nodded, "Yeah."

Jake sighed, "Sorry, pops. But the docs said you can only have ice."

Phil rolled is eyes and huffed.

Astri smiled and grabbed Phil's hand, "Hey, as soon as you get out of here, I'll buy you as many cases of Red Bull you want. How's that?"

He smiled and nodded, "I want a lot. And cigarettes."

The group laughed. Josh smiled at his dad, "I think you need to lay off the smoking for a while, old man."

Jake glanced at his phone, "Hey, dad. Astri and I have to leave for a little while. But I promise I'll be back later." He stood up and walked over to his dad and hugged him.

Phil looked up, "Where are you going?"

"We have to go make reservations for me at a rehab."

Phil nodded, "I'm proud of you, Jacob."

Jake had to look away, "Thanks, dad."

Josh dug in his pockets and pulled out his key. Jake reached out for them and Josh pulled his hand back, "Oh, no. You aren't going any where near my truck." He looked over at Astri and tossed the keys to her, "You drive. And keep the keys on you at all times."

Astri rolled her eyes, "Yes, sir." She walked over the the bed and kissed Phil on the cheek. Before she stood up, she whispered in his ear, "I'll bring you something to eat when we come back. I know this food sucks."

A huge smile lit up Phil's face, "Thank you!"

She smiled back and turned to walk out of the room but she stopped when Josh called her name. He walked over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. He leaned down and told her quietly, "I can't thank you enough for this, Astri."

"No problem, Josh."

"And I heard what you told dad. Bring me something too."

Astri laughed out loud and nodded. She turned back to Jake and motioned for the door, "Let's go get this done before you change your mind, kiddo."

They walked out into the hallway and Jake slung an arm around her shoulders, "So what were you laughing at when you were hugging Josh?"

"I told Phil we would bring his something to eat since the food here sucks and Josh heard me and he wants us to bring him something too."

Jake laughed, "You're gonna get dad in trouble, you know that?"

"Hey," she elbowed him in the side, "you're the one that gave him ice when he wasn't supposed to have it a few days ago. Remember that?"

He shook his head and looked away to avoid smiling, "That doesn't sound like me at all."

"Of course not... Jackass."


	8. Chapter 8

Jake threw open the door to his and Josh's room. He glanced over his shoulder as she finished her phone call with Ryan Simpson. She smiled as she put her phone in her pocket. Jake raised an eyebrow, "What are you smiling about?"

"I'm just laughing at Ryan," she shook her head. "He said the coffee has been shit since you're gone. Apparently, you're the only one who knows how to make good coffee."

"Damn right I'm the only one," Jake smiled and threw himself on a bed. He buried his face in a pillow and said something. He waited for a reply but it never came. He sat up and looked over at the desk and found Astri with her nose already jammed in Josh's computer. "Did you hear me," he asked.

She looked up, "What? Uh, no. It's hard to understand some one who already mumble why then have their face smashed into a pillow." She looked back at the computer, "Now, what did you say?"

He rolled his eyes, "What are my options on rehabs?" He paused and then added, "I don't mumble."

"I don't know yet." She looked up at him again, "Yes, you do."

"When do I mumble?"

"Every time you open your mouth unless you're yelling at some one."

He sat silent for a few minutes then asked, "How bad do I mumble?"

Astri continued her research on rehabs in California and said, "Some times I wish you had subtitles. You like to lock your jaw when you talk."

He thought for a second and realized that she was right. He had never paid attention nor cared. He shrugged, "Get over it. It's not about to change."

Astri picked up a pen and threw it at him, "I wasn't expecting it to."

Jake caught the pen effortlessly and put it on the bedside table. He stretched out and yawned, "Wake me up when you find a good rehab place."

She laughed quietly, "Okay, Jacob."

Jake rolled over on his right side and looked at his phone. It had been buzzing for a few seconds and it had woken him up. He looked over at Astri as she was sprawled out on Josh's bed. He looked back at the screen of his phone and his brows furrowed. _Unknown number. Who's got my number now? Maybe it's the hospital_, he thought to himself. He quickly reached for the phone and answered, "Hello?"

"Hi, Jake," a woman's voice said, "it's Mary."

Jake froze, "How did you get my number?"

"Moms always have a way to get stuff their kids don't want them to find out," she tried to joke. An uncomfortable silence fell on the phone as she cleared her throat. "So," she started, "I was going to see if you would like to go get lunch."

Jake stared blankly at the floor. "Ya know, Mary, we already told dad we would bring him something back and we would eat with him." He glanced over at Josh's bed and saw Astri looking at him with sleepy eyes. He held out his phone so she could see who he was talking to. Then he remembered it said "unknown number" and he mouthed, "Mary."

When it clicked in her brain, she sat up, "How – How did she get your number? What does she want?"

Jake put the phone back to his ear and heard his mom ask who was in the background and he simply said, "Astri." He looked back over at Astri, "She wants me to go eat lunch with her."

"But we told Phil we'd bring him something back," Astri said.

"I know," he rubbed a hand over his face. "Look, Mary, I think it's best if you forget my number. I've got a lot on my plate right now and I don't wanna have to deal with a mom who left and now wants to come back."

"Jacob Harris," Mary's tone became strict. "I'm your mother. You can't talk to me like that."

"I understand you're my mom, but you left and haven't even tried to talk to any of us. Just forget my number and let it be."

Mary took a sharp breath in and then sighed, "Fine. But I just want to tell you that I know about your addiction. And I'm not surprised."

Jake rolled his eyes, "Thanks, Mary. Have a good life." He hung up and glared at the ceiling when he laid back down.

Astri got up and laid down beside him. She put her head on his chest and wrapped her right arm around his waist, "What was that all about?"

"She wanted me to go eat lunch with her first. Then when I told her to leave me alone, she was like, 'I just wanna say that I know about your addiction and I'm not surprised.' So I hung up."

Astri sighed, "Bitch."

Jake laughed and pulled her closer, "You nailed that one." After he took a few minutes to calm down, he asked, "So, did you find a place?"

She sat up and walked over to get Josh's computer, "Yeah. What about Pacific Hills? It seems pretty good." She pulled up some pictures for him to see, "It's clean and they've gotten great reviews. Or whatever you wanna call them."

Jake scanned through the pictures and sighed. He set the computer down beside him, "Alright. It looks good. Or as good as a rehab can look, I guess."

She ruffled his hair, "You're gonna get through this Jake. One way or the other, you're gonna get clean."

"I have other options?"

"Yeah. _I _can make you get clean and you go through detox without any help," she smiled sweetly. "Or you can go professional help."

"I'd rather get professional help. You probably have some crazy Norwegian ways to get clean. Like, eat five meals of salted cod or something."

Astri laughed, "No, that's dad's way." She put the computer back, "And from what Edgar told me, it sucks pretty bad."

"No kidding," Jake rolled his eyes and stood up. He opened the door to the balcony and lit a cigarette. _I hope I make it through this... And I hope pops really means that he's proud of me. I don't wanna be another disappointment and break yet another promise to him._ He took a drag off of his cigarette, _I wonder what rehab is gonna be like._ A thought hit him, _Shit! I gotta do something with that other pill bottle._ _Nah, I'll just take it with me. Or are they gonna search me? Damn... I've got a few days before I leave. Might as well put them to use while I can._


	9. Chapter 9

I have to give credit to JakeHarrisLover for letting me use Onyx Skys in this chapter. :)

Having said that, I obviously don't own any of these people except for Astri Hansen.

Oh, and I don't know how many more chapters I'll be able to get up for the rest of the week because I'm going to Ohio and I have no idea if I'll be able to post up there...

Any way, enjoy. :)

* * *

Astri shifted the food around in her arms to allow her to knock on the door. Jake stood uselessly at her side, holding only one drink, and laughed at her as she struggled. Astri glared up at him, "You could help me, you know?"

He laughed, "I could."

"So will you?"

"Nope."

Astri growled and glared back up at him. "Then you knock on the door."

"Ask nicely and I will."

"Now, Jacob!"

He held up a hand in surrender, "No need to get testy, sweetheart."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes. "And don't call me sweetheart. That's just weird, Jake."

Jake laughed an knocked on the door. "You know," he turned to face her, "you grow on me more and more every day."

"That's so sweet," she shot back sarcastically. She smiled when Johnathan opened the door.

Johnathan's eyes widened when he saw how much Astri was carrying and how little Jake had in his hands, "You should have called me. I would have helped you with all of that."

"I would have if I had known Jake was such a slacker," she looked over at the youngest Harris.

"Hey, I did my part," he waved his drink, "I carried my drink."

John rolled his eyes and took most of the food from Astri. "Next time, just lay his ass out," he laughed.

Jake laughed to himself and leaned in the door, "Hey, pops?"

Phil looked over and smiled when he saw his youngest son.

"I'm gonna go grab a smoke real quick. I'll be right back, okay?"

Phil's smile fell a tiny bit but he waved off his son and turned back to Josh as he was setting food out in front of him.

Jake pushed himself off of the door frame and walked down the hall. _Could I have sounded any lamer?_ He rolled his eyes, '_You know, you grow on me more and more every __day.' That sounds like something Josh would say. What the hell? _But the truth was, she was growing on him. Every time she would hug him, run her hand through his hair, or put her head on his chest, his heart would stop momentarily and he would get knots in his stomach. Why couldn't he just man up and tell her how he felt? For God's sake, he was Jacob Harris. Girls practically threw themselves at him. _But she's not like them. She's different. _Was it because he had known her all of his life? _No. I don't get like this around any of the other girls I know._ He stepped onto the the elevator and mashed the button for the lobby with a little more force than was needed. _What about her makes me turn into a shy twelve year old boy again?_ He ran a hand over his face in frustration, _Usually I can just tell a girl if I think she's hot or whatever. But this is way different for some reason._ He walked out into the lobby and through the doors. He lit his cigarette and continued to think. _Okay, let's say I want to tell her, where the hell would I even start? I can't just walk up to her and be like, 'So, Astri, I'm pretty much in love with you. You wanna go get dinner now?' I'm not a romantic guy so that rules out anything to do with candles and soft music._ He closed his eyes and took a long drag, _Why her though? Why not one of my other friends? Why not Onyx? Or Ryder? Why does it have to be Astri Hansen? _Jake laughed to himself, _Why does she have to be a Hansen too? Out of all the people I could have fallen in love with, it _had_ to be Sig Hansen's daughter and Edger Hansen's niece._He sat and took a few more hits from his cigarette. _Do I even want to tell her? Do I want to chance our friendship over this?_ He nodded to himself, _I gotta tell her before I leave._

He pulled out his phone and brought up a new message. _I know just the person to help me figure out a way to tell her._ He typed up his message first, "Hey, I need some relationship help. You're the first person who came to mind." Then he typed in the name he wanted to send it to, _Onyx Skys. _He waited impatiently for a reply, tapping his fingers on the bench he was sitting on.

Finally his phone buzzed, "_Who's the lucky girl? ;)"_

Jake laughed quietly, "_Astri Hansen... I'm leaving for rehab (long story. Tell you later.) in a few days and I gotta tell her how I feel or I'm gonna kill myself while I'm gone. Help?_" He pushed send and watched the snow flakes fall around him and stick to his jacket sleeve.

_"It's about time, Jake! Good Lord... Any way, all you need to do is just take a deep breath and ask her if she could talk to you for a few minutes. If she says yes, just say, "Look, I've been needing to tell you this for a long time. I think I may have feelings for you." Then you wait and see what her reply is and go from there. But Jake, TAKE IT SLOW! I know you and you like to rush into things most of the time."_

Jake laughed again and stood up to go back inside, "Thanks, Onyx. I'll tell you how it goes later."

_"I better get that story about why you're going to rehab too."_

"You will. I promise," he typed. He made his way back up to Phil's room and walked into the room, He sat down beside Astri and elbowed her in the side, "Hand me a sandwich.

"Is there a please in that sentence," she asked playfully.

Jake rolled his eyes, "Please hand me a sandwich now."

Astri laughed and thew a sandwich at him , "I hope you choke on it, Harris."

He laughed and took a monstrous bite, "Love you too."

She leaned over and kissed his cheek. She looked back over at Phil, "How's your sandwich, old man?"

He held a thumbs up and nodded.

"Awesome," she smiled.

When every one was finished a little while later, Jake and Astri were picking up the trash when Jake suddenly put a hand on her shoulder. She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at him with worry filled eyes, "What?"

Jake glanced around, "Can I talk to you real quick? Like, out in the hallway?"

She nodded numbly. _I hope to God he isn't backing down. Oh, dear Lord._ Her mind played different scenarios as she followed him out into the hallway. Once outside, she launched into a million questions and ran her hand frantically through her hair.

After a few minutes of her asking endless questions, Jake finally got a word in edgewise, "Are you done?"

She looked at him and nodded. She was about to ask another question that had just popped up but he cuter her off with a passionate kiss. Astri stood frozen and she finally gave in and kissed him back. When Jake broke the kiss, she looked at him as she tried to catch her breath, "What – What was that for?"

He put his hands on either side of her face, "I've been waiting a long time to do that, Astri and I just now got the balls to do it. I've had feelings for you for years but it seems like in the past week, they've grown wicked strong and I just wanted to tell you before I leave for Pacific Hills."

Astri's mind was spinning, "Oh... Okay." Jake stared at her expectantly and she tried to smile wholeheartedly, "Let's just take things slow and see how rehab goes for you."

Jake looked defeated but he smiled at her any way, "That sounds good." He was about to walk back into the room but stopped and turned around to face Astri. He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head, "Thanks for helping me get clean."

"My pleasure, Jake," she wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly.


	10. Chapter 10

Alright, I don't know what it was but writing this chapter was like pulling teeth...

Oh dear God I'm glad I'm done with this chapter...

I'll understand if you tell me this one sucks. xD

Astri laid in awake, staring at the ceiling, her mind racing about Jake. Earlier, he had told her that he had feelings for her. Then he kissed her. It wasn't just a "Hey, I think I have feelings for you" kiss. This was a "I know I have feelings for you and I want to be with you" kind of kiss. Her stomach churned, _Why did he have to do that? Why couldn't he have waited until he got back so he could think clearly?_ She hadn't realized that while anything and everything bad was happening, she was starting to fall for Josh. _How did I know for sure that I have feelings for Josh when his little brother spilled his heart to me? I mean, I love them both with all of my heart but how do I know if I want to be with either of them? How can I even think about that with everything that is going on?_

She groaned and turned to lay on her side. _Jake is sweet and all but he's got too many issues,_ one side of her argued. _True. But he's going to rehab to fix all of that, _the other side argued. _What if he relapses? _Astri shook her head, _I can't think like that. Jake is _going to _get clean. Even if he has to come live with me and I have to watch his every move. _

She closed her eyes and tried to get her brain to shut off so she could sleep but it wouldn't quit racing. _What about Josh? He needs some one to lean on and to be there for him. _She ran a hand through her hair, _But can't I do that as just a friend? But do I want to be just a friend to him?_ She sat up and threw the blankets off of her, "I'm never going to sleep. This is ridiculous." Astri glanced at her phone and thought about texting Josh to see if he was still up. "What the hell," she mumbled. "What could it hurt?" She brought up a new message, "_Please tell me you're still up?_"

Almost instantly he texted back, "_Why yes I am. Whats up?_"

"_Can you come down to my room? I need to talk to you..._"

"_I'll be there in about three minutes._"

Astri stood up and turned on the lamp beside her bed and unlocked the door so he could get in. She sat on the end of her bed and put her head in her hands, _This is retarded. Why am I so stressed out over this?_

Josh glanced at Jake to make sure he was asleep and quietly walked out of the room. He had been about to text Astri the same thing but she had beaten him to it. He had a lot to tell her. He didn't know how he was going to do it but he had to get it off of his chest. He wanted to tell her that she's constantly on his mind and that when she let Jake stay with her after they got into the argument, he was insanely jealous. Why couldn't he stay with her? He was just as mad as Jake, if not more mad. _Because I don't have an addiction to pills,_ he thought to himself bitterly. _I don't need to be watched over to make sure I don't overdose. _He walked up to her door and knocked quietly.

"It's open," she said.

He opened the door and found her with her head in her hands on the end of her bed. He walked over and sat down next to her, "What's going on?"

She didn't move but said, "Jake told me he had feelings for me and he kissed me."

Anger and jealous coursed through Josh's body. He had to fight the urge to go back to his room and strangle Jake. "Really," he asked, trying not to show he was mad.

She nodded and looked up at him, "I don't know what to do, Josh."

"Why?"

"I think I have feelings for some one else but I doubt they have the same feelings for me."

_This is your chance. You _have _to tell her now. _He relaxed slightly and looked at her, "Can I tell you something?"

She nodded and put her face back in her hands, staring at the floor in front of her.

"I know Jake already told you how he felt but I have to tell you that I feel the same way. I can't get you off of my mind when I should be thinking about dad and Jake going to rehab. But every time I try to, you always come back." He watched her as her shoulders stiffened, "Look, I'll give you space if you need it. But I had to tell you that. And this morning at breakfast was possibly the best time I've had in a long time. I was so happy that it was just you and I. And I know we've known each other since we were born but I just realized all of this and I couldn't wait any longer."

She looked up at him, "You knew, didn't you? You knew I have feelings for you didn't you?"

He nodded, "I was hoping I was just thinking too much into it but I know now that I wasn't."

She rested her head on his shoulder, "What do we do? What do I do about Jake?"

Josh put his arm around her shoulders, "You and I will take it slow, okay? That is, if it even turns into anything. And we can wait to tell Jake until he gets back."

Astri nodded and laid back down, "I don't want to have to tell him. It'll break his heart and he might relapse or something."

Josh laid down beside her, "I know. But if he finds out on his own, it'll be worse. I think if one of us, or both, tell him, he'll take it better." He rubbed her back in hopes of trying to help her sleep.

When Astri woke up, she noticed that she was alone. She saw a note by her phone from Josh, "_Left about two in the morning. Come down to our room when you wake up. Feel free to wake us up if it's not too early. (Meaning before ten...)_" She smiled and glanced at the clock by her bed. It was about fifteen after ten. Groaning, she stood up and pulled on Sig's Northwestern hoodie and made her way down the hall toward the boy's room.

When she reached the door, she heard people talking inside. She opened the door and walked in.

Jake and Josh smiled at her at the same time, "Hey."

Johnathan looked at her, "Morning, sleeping beauty!"

She rolled her eyes and poured herself a cup of coffee, "Shut up, John." She quickly looked around the room and decided to play it safe and sat beside John on the couch.

"So how did you sleep," Johnathan asked.

She shrugged, "I slept okay. I guess I slept as good as I can with everything that's happening." Astri glanced over at Josh as he winked at her. She smiled faintly and looked over at Jake.

He was looking at his lit cigarette dangerously close to his face. He looked up and saw her watching him and smiled, "What?"

"Nothing," she laughed. "I'm just wondering how long it's going to take you to burn yourself with that thing that close to your face."

Jake laughed and took a drag, "Trust me, I'm a pro. I won't get burned."

John rolled his eyes and started to tell some story that involved cigarettes, lighters, and gasoline in the middle of the Bering Sea.

Astri's phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her pocket. She smiled and answered it, "Hey, daddy."

"Heissan vakker. What are you up to," Sig asked from the other end.

"Not much, just sitting around with the boys and Johnathan. What are you guys doing?"

Sig smiled, "We're actually heading in for an offload. Wanna come see us?"

"I'm in Anchorage," she sighed.

"I already bought you your ticket, vakker. You don't have to worry about it."

Her eyes widened, "When's my flight?"

"Noon."

"Dad! How long am I staying?"

Sig laughed, "Just the night. Don't freak out, Astri. Any way, Edgar will be at the airport to pick you up. I'll see you in a little while. Jeg elsker deg."

"Jeg elsker deg også, pappa," she sighed and hung up.

Josh cocked en eyebrow, "What was that about?"

She stared at her phone and then finally looked up, "Dad already bought me a ticket to Dutch Harbor since they're coming in for an offload. My flight is in less than two hours. And I'm staying the night on the boat."

The guys sat in silence until John laughed and pushed her off of the couch, "Go get your shit together!"

She smiled and looked at Josh, "Can I get a ride to the airport?"

"Sure thing," he smiled back.


	11. Chapter 11

This chapter so wouldn't exist without JakeHarrisLover. She gave me a bunch of ideas and helped me decide some stuff for this chapter and later on in the story. Thanks, guh! :D So long story short, this chapter is dedicated to JakeHarrisLover.

Astri stepped out of the tiny plane and on to the tarmac and waited for the workman to get the luggage off of the plane. He picked up her duffle bag and threw it down beside her. _Great,_ she thought, _I'm glad I didn't have anything breakable in there._ She smiled sweetly to the guy, "Thank you."

He looked at her and mumbled something under his breath and turned back to whatever he was doing.

She rolled her eyes and mumbled, "Bastard." She walked through the little airport and looked around for her uncle. She finally found him and ran over to him, "Edgar!"

He smiled when he saw her running at him, "Hey, vakker! How's it going?"

Astri hugged him, "It's okay. The doctors say Phil is doing better than what they thought so all is right with the world." She opted not to tell him that even though the doctors were saying he was doing good, he looked worse and worse every day.

"That's good," he smiled. "I can't wait until he gets back up here and shows every one who's boss."

She nodded, "Can we get out of here? I'm ready to see dad and Norman."

When Edgar and Astri got to the boat, they were greeted by Jake Anderson smiling on deck with a cigarette in his mouth. He did a double take and smiled, "Astri! What are you doing here?"

Astri smiled and jumped down on to the deck, leaving Edgar to handle her bag, "Dad told me that I'm supposed to stay the night with you guys tonight. Didn't he tell you?"

Jake shook his head, "Sig never tells us anything except how long we're gonna work."

Astri laughed and looked back at Edgar, "You can just throw that on the deck and I'll get it."

He rolled his eyes and heaved her bag over the rail. "Good," he said, "I was just going to do that any way." He looked at her, "You can handle it from here can't you?"

"I seem to remember that you were much nicer," she glared. "What happened to you, Ed?"

"My brother is what happened," he said and took the clipboard from Matt.

Matt walked over and hugged Astri, "It's always good to have a fourth Hansen on the the boat."

She rolled her eyes, "You're only saying that because you don't wanna piss my dad off."

Matt nodded walked inside.

Jake smiled and looked down at Astri's bag, "So where are you gonna stay?"

"I was thinking with you and Edgar?"

"Sure," he bent down and picked up her bag. "I'll go ahead and take it in there if you want to go say hey to your dad."

She smiled and kissed him on the cheek, "You rock, Jake." She climbed the ladder to the deck where the hydraulics were and knocked on the door behind the captain's chair.

Sig never even looked up to see who it was, "What?"

Astri opened the door, "Hey, daddy!"

He spun around and pulled her into a hug, "Hei, datteren! Det er sa godt a se deg."

"Det er godt a se deg ogsa," she smiled at him.

He motioned for her to sit down in the co captain's chair. Once she was situated and comfortable in the chair, he asked, "So what brings you to Dutch?"

She rolled her eyes, "You pretty much forced me to come, dad."

"Oh yeah," he said and scratched his scruff. "I really am glad you came though, Astri."

"Me too," she said. "I needed to get away and take a break from the boys. They were about to kill me."

Sig laughed, "That's funny since you guys were pretty much inseparable when you were little."

"I know!" She sighed and looked over at her dad, "Guess who showed up at the hospital."

He looked at her and shrugged, "I couldn't tell you."

"Mary."

"Harris?"

Astri nodded, "Yep. There was a slight scene when she was leaving between her and I. Then Jake and I went back to the hotel to set up his rehab stuff and take a quick nap and she called wanting to go out to lunch with him to reconnect or some shit." She shook her head, "She doesn't know when to quit, does she?"

Sig shook his head, "Sadly she doesn't." He looked over at his daughter, "So what happened between you and Mary?"

"Well," Astri laughed and rubbed her arm, embarrassed by what happened, "she was talking to Jake about something in the hallway as Josh and I came back with some drinks. She asked me what I was doing there and why I wasn't here with you. So I told her that I was there because I was pretty much their mother. She didn't take that too kindly. She told me why she left and all this bullshit. So I told her that he only reason she was with Phil in the first place was because of his money."

Sig stared at his daughter with wide eyes, "Astri Freya Hansen, you can't do that!"

"I know, dad! But that woman pisses me off! She had no right to be there and say some of the things she said to Jake!"

"What did she say?"

"When she called to see if he wanted to go to lunch, when he said no, he told her to forget his number and leave him alone. Before she hung up, she was like, 'I just want to tell you, Jacob, that I know about your addiction and I'm not surprised.' Dad, _no_ mother should say that their youngest son!"

Sig nodded, "I agree. But it wasn't your place to say that, Astri."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah. You're the one to lecture me on knowing where my place is. Dad, you bite off any one's head who is close enough for you to."

He laughed, "True. But you need to learn from my mistakes."

Asti laughed and looked over her shoulder when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She smiled when Norman walked up, "Norm!"

Norman smiled and hugged his niece, "How are you?"

"I'm okay. How are you? Is dad letting you sleep at all?"

"I don't need sleep. I'm battery powered," he smiled at her and turned to his brother. "They're saying we'll be done by about six o' clock tonight. Do you guys wanna go get some dinner in town or eat here?"

Sig looked over at Astri and pointed at her, "You pick."

She thought for a minute, "How about we eat here and then go to the bar later?"

Norman laughed, "You're such a Hansen."

Astri rolled her eyes, "So I've heard and noticed." She looked over at her dad, "Is that okay with you, Sig?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I figured Matt didn't wanna cook tonight any way."

Norman turned and walked down the stairs without saying another word. Once he was out of earshot, Astri looked over at Sig, "He's still quiet I see."

"Yeah," he nodded, "Norman will always be quiet. And Edgar will always be an ass. But you can't pick your family."

"I know. I would have picked some one different a long time ago," she laughed.

Sig picked up a notebook and threw it at her, "Get out of my wheelhouse! I have work to do. Or something like that."

Astri walked over and kissed him on the cheek, "I'll be out side or down stairs if you need me."

"Be careful out there, Astri," Sig called after her as she shut the door.

She stood on the upper level and watched as the fish and game guys threw crab into the brailers and tossed the dead ones over to one side of the deck. She thought back to when her, Jake, and Josh would run down to the docks when they saw their family's boats come in for an offload. They would wait all day and late into the night until the boats were docked just to see their family for a few hours before they went back out in to the Bering Sea. _Things were so much simpler then, _she sighed to herself.

"What are you sighing about," some one asked from beside her.

She jumped, "Holy shit, Jake! You scared the hell out of me!"

He smiled apologetically, "Sorry about that." He looked out over the deck, "So what were you sighing about?"

Astri ran a hand though her hair and sighed again, "I was just thinking back to when the Harris boys and I were little and we used to wait for ever for our dads to come in for an offload. Things were so much simpler then."

Jake nodded, "Yeah. I bet they were. Phil was alittle more healthier back then."

"Well not only that but the boys weren't in love with me at the same time."

Jake sat in total silence and then finally asked, "What?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Jake told me he had feelings for me and then later that night, Josh said the same thing." She looked at him, "I don't know what to do, Jake."

"Well," he tried, "do you have feelings for either of them?"

She groaned. How many times had she asked herself that very same question. "That's the thing. I don't know but at the same time, I think I have feelings for both of them."

"Well you can't be with both, Astri," he said.

"I know. Okay, let's lay this out," she sighed, "Jake can be a sweetheart but he can also be cocky. He's also an addict but he's going to rehab in a few days. He has a tendency to be very immature but he's grown up a remarkable amount in the past week. He's also my best friend. I don't know if I want to ruin that. But I know that if it came down to it, he would take a bullet for me. He knows what to say when I'm upset and he's been there for me through some tough shit; like mom and dad's divorce."

"What about Josh?"

"Josh is a major sweetheart too. He's never really cocky. Yeah, he drinks and stuff but he knows when to call it quits, ya know? And I think Josh finally grew up when Phil had that health scare a few years ago. But he's more like a brother to me." She looked over at him, "Kind of like you."

He smiled, "You want my opinion?"

She nodded and waited anxiously. He finally said, "I think you should be with Jake. After he gets back from rehab of course. And if he's still the sweetheart and best friend that you know him as, then see where that goes. As for Josh, I think you should just keep him as a friend."

Astri thought for a second and replayed what she had said about the boys in her mind. She had a lot more to say about Jake than she had to say about Josh. She smiled and hugged Jake, "Thanks, Jake! You're always such a good listener."

He laughed and hugged her back, "You know I was raised by a bunch of girls, right?"

"I know," she said as she messed up his hair, "that's why you're one of my best friends." She turned around and walked into the wheelhouse.

Sig looked up, "I thought I told you to get out?"

"Hey," she held up her hands, "I'm just cutting through. Calm your jets, dad."

He glared at her, "I'm gonna throw you overboard if you don't get out by the time I count to three."

"Dad! I wa-"

"Three!" Sig stood up and lunged at his daughter.

She screamed and ran down the stairs and straight into Edger. Astri quickly hid herself in a closet close to the stairs, "Save me, Ed!"

"From what," he asked, panicked.

Suddenly, Sig came barreling down the stairs and looked at Edgar, "What did she go?"

"Who?"

"The only woman on the boat, dumb ass!"

"Astri?" He shrugged, "I don't know. She just ran past me and was heading for the deck." He clapped his brother on the back, "I'm gonna go grab a nap." Sig nodded and ran down the hallway, toward the ready room. Edgar waited until he heard the door shut and knocked on the door to the closet, "You're safe, honey."

Astri poked her head out, "Thanks, Edgar. Dad was gonna throw me overboard."

"What did you do?"

"I walked through his wheelhouse and he snapped," she said, trying to catch her breath.

"Well, I told him I was gonna go take a nap so he knows not to wake me up unless he needs me to work so I would suggest you hang out in my room." He turned to walk to his room and turned back around, "But keep it quiet, kid."

"Yes, sir," she laughed and followed him to his room.

* * *

Translation!

Hei, datteren! Det er sa godt a se deg - hello, daughter. its good to see you!

Det er godt a se deg ogsa - its good to see you too


	12. Chapter 12

Astri laid down on the extra bed and listened to the silence. Quickly, her eyes became heavy and she tried to calm her mind down. She hadn't realized how wound up she had been over the past week. Just as she was at the edge of unconsciousness, her phone buzzed. _Every single time I'm almost relaxed,_ she complained to herself. She waited for it to buzz again and signal that it was a phone call. But it only buzzed once. _Huh. Must be a text._ She looked at her phone and saw it was a text from Josh. _What in the world does he want?_ Suddenly she sat up and gasped when she read the first sentence.

"_I found a pill bottle in Jake's stuff. He's leaving for rehab in about an four hours. He can't stay here any more._" 

"No," she whispered and sat down on the edge of her bed. She hurriedly dialed Josh's number and didn't an answer. She threw her phone across the room and startled Edgar.

He threw the blankets off of him and jumped up, "What happened?"

Tears began to stream down Astri's face, "I have to go back, Ed. I have to go back."

Edgar sat down beside her and pulled her into his lap, "Go back where? What happened, honey?"

She buried her face in Edgar's chest and soaked his shirt, "I have to go back to Anchorage."

"What happened?"

"Josh found a pill bottle in Jake's stuff after he promised me he threw them all way." She looked up at him, "I have to go back. He's leaving in four hours. Josh is making him go today."

Edgar kissed the top of her head and nodded, "C'mon. I'll drive you to the airport after you tell Sig."

Astri nodded and numbly walked up the stairs to the wheelhouse. She knocked on the door quietly and waited for an answer as she continued to cry.

"Yeah," Sig growled from inside. He watched as the door slowly opened. He knew it was Astri and he waited to pounce on her. But when she walked into sight, he saw she was crying and looked distraught. His heart sank with the worst thoughts he had ever thought, "What happened, Astri?"

"It's not Phil, daddy," she choked out. "But Josh found a pill bottle in Jake's stuff after he promised me that he had thrown them all away. He's making Jake leave for rehab in about four hours."

"And you wanna go see him?"

She nodded and looked down at the floor in front of her feet, "I'll come back. I just need to go talk to him."

Sig nodded and walked over and pulled her into a hug. He felt her sigh and begin to cry again, "Go ahead and go. And if you wanna stay there, go ahead. I'll understand, baby."

Astri nodded and looked up, "What if Josh came back with me? Just to get a break? Phil is stable and we wont stay too late tomorrow since you guys have to get out of here and we have to get back to Phil."

He paused and thought for a moment, "Is John still in town?"

She nodded and wiped her face with her sleeve.

"That's fine then. Just be safe, okay?"

"I will, dad." She turned to leave and stopped at the top of the stairs, "Thanks, daddy. I love you."

"I love you too, kid."

Astri walked through the Anchorage airport and saw Jake and Josh standing off to one side of the room. Josh was glaring at Jake as his younger brother stared out of the window and avoided eye contact with any one. She quickened her pace, "Josh!"

He looked away from Jake and saw Astri walking toward them. He became calmer when they made eye contact. He bent down and picked her up in a hug, "What are you doing here, Astri?"

"I had to come see him," she said. She had already started to cry again.

Josh nodded and set her down and grabbed her hand. He cleared his throat to get Jake's attention, "Jake. Astri is here."

Jake thought for a second to just ignore him like he had been all day but when he heard Astri's name, he looked at her. She had red rimed eyes from crying and she looked like a mess. _She's crying because of you, dumb ass! How could you do this after you opened your heart to her? Now she'll never want to be with you. Good job, Romeo._ He locked eyes with her but neither one of them said anything.

Josh shifted his weight awkwardly, "I'm gonna go get a smoke. Jake, don't move a fucking muscle or I'll murder you right here in this very spot. Got it?"

Jake rolled his eyes and looked back at Astri. When Josh finally walked away, Astri instantly wrapped her arms around his neck and held on. He buried his face in her neck, "I'm so sorry, Astri."

"Yeah, Jacob, you are," she sobbed. "But you'll get through this. I promise. You just have to _want_ to get through it." Astri took a step back and looked at him, "Why?"

He shrugged, "I just figured I'd keep them just in case."

"Right. And if you put a bottle in front of an alcoholic, they're gonna find away to get into it. They're gonna search you when they get there, Jake. There was no way for you to sneak those in."

He nodded, not really hearing what she was saying.

"You're doing this for Phil. And if they had found those, they would have called me," she waited to see if he was paying attention; he wasn't. "And I would have told Phil. Don't think I'm not going to tell him about this, Jake."

Jake snapped his head around and looked at her, "No, Astri. God, don't do that."

She straighten her back and stood as tall as she physically could, "Then you better to go this rehab and come back a changed man. You got that, Jacob Harris? If you walk back in to my life and I have just the _tiniest_ suspicion that you're not one hundred percent changed and a better man, I'll send you right back before you'll even know what happened."

He stared at her with his mouth slightly open, "Who told you to say that?"

"No one," she hissed, "My father just came out in me and I know it scared you. Trust me, Jake, I can get my dad down here and slap some damn sense into you if I nor rehab can. You need to grow up and get a grip on life."

He nodded and pulled her into a hug, "Thank you, Astri."

"You're welcome, Jake," she whispered.

Josh walked up, "Well, Jake. Your flight is boarding."

Jake nodded and let go of Astri. He faced his brother awkwardly, as if he didn't know what to do. He pulled Josh into a hug, "I promise, bro, I'll come back clean."

Josh fought back tears, "I know you will, Jake. I know." He gave his younger brother one more squeeze and then pushed him toward the gate for his flight. Once Jake walked on to the place, he turned and faced Astri, "Now what?"

"I don't know, Josh," she said without taking her eyes off of where Jake had just disappeared into.


	13. Chapter 13

Josh stared out of the widow on the plane and thought about everything and nothing at the same time. He knew Phil hadn't believed him when he told him that it was Jake's idea to go to rehab a few days earlier. Phil knew that Josh was trying to hide the fact that his family was beginning to quickly fall apart in front of his eyes. Josh rubbed his face and made himself more comfortable in his seat. _Dad knows I busted Jake again. _He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as his thoughts shifted to earlier that morning.

_Josh walked into his hotel after he got back from taking Astri to the airport. He looked around and saw that Johnathan was gone and he heard the shower running. As he walked toward his computer, he stumbled on something. _God damn it, Jake,_ he thought to himself as he kicked his brother's bag out of the way. As the bag settled again on the floor, an odd color inside of it caught Josh's eye. He bent down and pulled out a small orange bottle and looked at the label. _Phil Harris, _Josh read to himself. He read it multiple times, hoping the name would change to his little brother's but it never did. Every time he read it, it was the same name. _Phil Harris_. _

_ Anger and disappointment shot through Josh's veins as he jumped up and stormed over to the bathroom door. He put the bottle in his coat jacket and slammed his fist into the door. "Jacob Charles Harris! Open this fucking door before I kick it in," he screamed._

_Jake turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He hesitated for a moment as he reached for the door handle, _He's gonna kill me for something. _He opened the door, not even having a chance to dry off, "What?"_

_ "What the fuck is this, Jacob?" Josh threw the pill bottle at him. "You better have a damn good reason to have dad's pills with you."_

_ Jake caught the bottle with little effort and looked at the label. "Why the hell were you going through my stuff, man?"_

_ "Jake," Josh seethed, "don't even try to make me the bad guy. Why. Do. You. Have. Dad's. Pills?"_

_ Jake's mind raced to find an answer but he couldn't come up with one. He sighed and decided to just tell Josh the truth, "I was gonna take them with me."_

_ "With you? To where, Jake?"_

_ "Rehab. I was just going to ease myself off of them in stead of quitting at once."_

_ "Jake," Josh shook his head and began to pace. "They aren't going to make you quit cold turkey and then lock you in a room and watch you go through detox from a one way window like a caged animal. They have medicine and IV's that will help you through this. You just have to trust them."_

_ "How was I supposed to know that?"_

_ Josh spun around and faced his brother, "If you had actually done some research on your own, you would actually know something about this place!"_

_ "Oh, like you have, Josh?"_

_ "Yeah, Jake! I have!" He ran a hand through his hair and started pacing again, "This tells me you couldn't give a rat's ass about getting clean and keeping your promise to dad." He stopped pacing again and looked at Jake, "Tell me right now if you really want to do this or not, Jake."_

_ Jake was staring at the floor and watching the water drip off of him and hit tile. He thought for a second, _Do I really want to do this or am I doing it to just make them all happy? _He sighed heavily, _No. I _have _to do this. If I don't, dad may never see me clean again and I wont have an inheritance. _He looked up at Josh, "Yeah, man. I need this."_

_ Josh snatched the bottle out of Jake's hands and jammed it in his pocket again, "Then start fucking acting like it, Jacob."_

Josh woke with a jump when some one ran their hand through his hair. He looked to his left and saw Astri giggling to herself. "What are you laughing at," he asked still half asleep.

"You jumped," she smiled.

He sat up and grinned, "You startled me. Don't do that again. Why did you wake me up any way?"

She laughed, "You were starting to snore. So, what were you thinking about before you dozed off? You looked pretty mad."

Josh sighed, "I was just thinking about what happened after you left this morning. And the fact that my brother is an idiot." He looked over at her, "So are you sure Sig doesn't mind me coming with you tonight?"

"Not at all," she smiled. "I asked him this morning and all he asked in return was that some body stay with Phil." Astri saw Josh starting to look sleepy again and smiled, "Go back to sleep. We've got about forty five minutes to an hour left."

He eyed her suspiciously.

"I swear I wont wake you up like that again. I'll just slap you or something."

"I would rather you run your hand through my hair again," he mumbled and made himself comfortable again.

Two hours later, Josh and Astri were walking down the dock to where the Northwestern was docked. She saw Norman standing on the deck and watching the numbers as the crab were still being thrown in the brailers. He smiled as his niece landed softly on the deck and walked over to him. He pulled her into a hug, "Hey, kjære. Are you okay now?"

Astri nodded and hugged her uncle back, "Yeah. Everything is okay now, Norm. But I brought Josh back with me."

He let go of her and shook Josh's hand, "Good to see you, Josh."

"Likewise, Norman," Josh smiled.

Astri looked up at her uncle, "Need any help?"

He shook his head, "No but you could go start dinner if you don't mind?"

"I can do that." She looked over at Josh, "Wanna help?"

He nodded and followed her inside. He began to laugh to himself as they made their way to the galley, "Remember when we were little and we used to run around on the boats and get in so much trouble with our dads?"

Astri smiled, "Yeah. I remember I used to like to go to the Cornelia since it's bigger than the Northwestern. We would always get in a ton of trouble and our dads would scream and scream at us."

Josh laughed, "Then they finally kicked us off of the boats and we had to stay on the dock until they weren't busy or anything."

Both of them looked up as some one walked down the stairs from the wheelhouse and into the galley. Sig smiled at them and clapped Josh on the back, "Hey, kid. How are you?"

Josh smiled up at him, "I'm okay. Thanks for letting me come with Astri."

"No problem," he smiled. "You probably needed a break any way." He looked over at his daughter and hugged her, "Is everything okay now?"

She nodded, "Yeah. We're good, dad. I gave him a good old fashioned Hansen lecture and I think it worked."

Sig nodded in approval, "Good for you, Astri." He grabbed a Red Bull from the fridge and walked back up the stairs. "Keep your hands off of her Josh," he called from the top of the stairs.

Josh laughed as Astri rolled her eyes. "I'll try," he called back. They could hear Sig talking to himself in the wheelhouse. He stood up and leaned on the counter by where Astri was fixing dinner. "So," he started awkwardly, "have you Jake talked at all?"

"About," she asked without looking up.

"About how he feels and stuff."

Astri stopped what she was doing and looked up, "No, we haven't. We haven't had time. And in all honesty, I don't know if I want to. I don't know what I want to happen between him and I."

Josh nodded, "Can I tell you something?" He sighed as she nodded, "I don't think you should be with him."

She paused again but then quickly resuming what she was doing, "Why is that?"

"Because he's in rehab and he's only twenty four, Astri. He has so many issues it's not even funny."

Finally she looked up, "So who do you think I should be with, Josh?"

"I'm not saying this to be self centered, but I think you should be with me."

* * *

kjære- sweetheart


	14. Chapter 14

Astri put down the box of dirty rice she was about to make and looked at Josh, "I understand you don't want me to be with your little brother but I can't help that both of us have feelings for each other, Joshua. And I understand that you're jealous of him at times but you're like my brother and I don't want to mess that up."

Josh shook his head and took a step closer, "And he's only your best friend. But you're willing to mess that up?"

She moved away from and nodded, "Yeah. If things don't work out, we can most likely fix it. But if it didn't work out between you and I, we couldn't fix it. I could stand if that happened between Jake and I but I couldn't lose you, Josh."

His shoulders sank with defeat, "I'm not going to give up, Astri. I can't get you off of my mind." He looked away and then back at her, "I hope you know what you're doing."

"I do too," she sighed.

"So," he shifted is weight, "dad's tests came back."

"What did the doctors say?"

"The blood clot is still at the base of his brain and they can't remove it. It doesn't look good."

Astri leaned on the counter to support herself and looked over at Josh and found him glaring at the floor with his jaw clenched. She contemplated on hugging him or something to comfort him. _No, _she thought, _he might take it the wrong way. _Astri tried to think of something to say but everything that came to mind sounded stupid or like a Hallmark card. Finally she settled, "I'm so sorry, Josh. We just have to keep hoping he'll pull through."

Josh sighed and pulled himself on the counter, "I hope so too."

Astri had turned around and hadn't seen Josh sit on the counter. When she turned back around to get something out of the cabinet, her eyes widened, "Joshua! Get off of the counter! Didn't your mother teach you any better?"

He rolled his eyes, "My mom left, Astri. She never taught me anything any way."

"Please," she rolled her eyes, "don't pull that 'my mom left me' shit! You and I both know damn well she left when you were like, twenty."

"That doesn't mean that she taught me anything!"

"Hey," Edgar yelled as he walked into the kitchen, "What's with all of the yelling, kids?" He looked over and saw Josh on the counter, "How come he can sit on the counter but I can't?"

"She likes me better," Josh laughed.

"No," Astri sighed, exasperated, "I don't like either one of you right now!"

Edgar held up his hands and defended himself, "I just walked in."

Astri glared at the both of them, "I don't give a damn! If you two are still here when in three seconds, I'm going to kill you and let dad use you as bait."

"Astri," they both started.

"Three!" Suddenly, Astri was along in the galley. She closed her eyes and listened to the silence, _Man, I miss the peace and quiet._

Every one piled in around the table and got more then one healthy servings of dinner. Nick scarfed his food down while trying to say something, "You guys don't understand how bad I need a shot."

"You need a rabies shot," Matt said.

"I think I see some foam around your mouth, Nick," Edgar joined in.

Nick paused momentarily and glared, "You idiots know what I meant."

Every one laughed and Sig elbowed his daughter, "Don't go and get trashed tonight, Astri."

"I doubt I'm even going at all," she said.

"Why not," Matt and Josh asked at the same time.

She shrugged, "Today has been too emotional already. I'm just not in a drinking mood."

"That's the best reason to go drink! If you had a bad day, go drown your sorrows," Edgar said.

Astri shook her head and took her plate to the kitchen, "I've gotta clean up here any way since I know you guys won't do it. Plus, I'm not that much of a drinker."

Sig watched Astri as she cleaned up the galley after the guys had left for the bar. He watched her as she would work on something, stop, and then start something else. She seemed distracted and unable to focus for any amount of time. _It could be because of everything with Phil and Jake,_ he thought to himself. _But she wasn't like this earlier._ He stood up and walked over to Astri as she scrubbed the stove, "Alright, Astri, spit it out."

She looked up for a split second then went back to cleaning, "What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb," he rolled his eyes. "Something is eating you up and I can tell. So you better tell me before I make you tell me."

Astri smiled, "I'm fine, dad. I promise."

Sig leaned against the counter, "Astri, what's wrong? You can't focus worth shit and you're eerily quiet."

She sighed and put her rag that she was using to clean with down, "Jake and I want to be together but Josh also wants to be with me. I love Josh, dad, I really do. But I don't love him the way he wants me to. He's like my brother and I don't want to mess that up. I want to be with Jake and we're gonna wait until he's back from rehab and see how he is and everything."

"Do you think he'll really get clean? And still feel the same when he gets back?"

"I hope so," she ran a hand through her hair. "I mean, he's doing this for Josh and Phil. I think this was a wake up call for him."

He nodded, "I'm not saying this to be a jackass, honey, but it wouldn't surprise me if he relapsed."

Slowly, Astri nodded. She knew there was a chance he would start taking pills again just like there was a chance that her father may not come back from a season. But Astri learned at a very young age that she couldn't focus on the what if's. She had to always stay positive and never _ever_ focus on the negative or else she would go mad with worry. And she was doing just that. She was hoping that Jake would come back clean and stay clean, yet still wanted to be with her. Astri looked out of the window and sighed, _I wish he was here now. _


	15. Chapter 15

Jake stared out of the plane's window and day dreamed, _Will Astri want to be me when I get back? What if she falls for Josh while I'm gone?_ Another thought hit him, _Will I wanna be with her?_ He rolled his eyes, sick of doubting himself and Astri. _You need to get a grip, Jake. She'll be there when you get back and you'll still want her._ He smiled to himself and pulled out his iPod. Jake put his ear phones in and mashed play, not caring what came on.

He hadn't been paying attention to the song until the chorus "The Resistance" by Drake came on, "_What am I afraid of?/This is suppose to be what dreams are made of/But people I don't have the time to hang with, always look at me and say the same shit...(they say)/You promised me you would never change/You promised me you would never change_." He laughed in spite of himself, _Are you kidding me?_ He changed the song and Astri's favorite song by Dierks Bentley, "Draw Me a Map", came on, "_Draw me a map that leads me back to you/I don't know where to go, please tell me what to do/Help me find the road you're on /I just need directions home/Draw me a map that leads me back to you._" Jake groaned mentally, _What the hell?_ He turned his iPod off and turned it back on. He waited as a new song came on. _Thank God, _he sighed when "Living on a Prayer" by Bon Jovi came on.

He relaxed and rested his head on the seat. _I can't believe I was stupid enough to keep that other bottle. I should have thrown it away with the others the other night. I hope to God they don't tell dad. Maybe I should check, _he thought as he took out his phone and typed up a message to Astri. "_Hey. You're not gonna tell dad about the other bottle, are you?_

"_No. But I'm gonna tell him that you were struggling with quitting so you decided to go early. It's not a total lie,_" she sent back. A second text popped up, "_I miss you, Jacob. And I'm proud of you._"

He smiled, "_How many times are you going to tell me that, Astri? You've told me like, a million times. But I'm glad you're still proud of me. And I miss you too. A lot._"

"_I'll tell you as many times as it takes for you to understand. And it hasn't been a million. Maybe nine or ten._"

"_Hey, when I get back, let's get away for a while. Sound good?_"

"_And go where?_"

"_I don't know,_" he typed and tried to come up with something. "_How about the mountains or maybe just a cabin in the woods?_"

"_:) That sounds great, Jake. Are you paying? Hah!_"

"_Do you actually think I would invite you somewhere then make you pay,_" he asked.

"_You're you, Jacob,_" she said simply.

"_Okay. True. But yeah, I'll pay. This is gonna be my way of saying thanks for everything. And we'll stay as long as you want to._"

"_I knew you were a sweetheart, Jake! Well, they're probably going to take your phone when you get there. So behave and I love you. I'll see you when you get back. :)_"

"_I love you too, Astri. I'll be back in a month and a half._" He locked his phone and looked back out of the window. He thought about how Astri had said she loved him and how she was proud of him. He knew he was thinking too much into it by the way his stomach was knotting up and how his palms were sweating. Rolling his eyes, he wiped his hands on his jeans. As he did so, he noticed a girl across the isle, looking at him like she knew him from somewhere. _She's probably seen me on the show or at Catch Con._ He tried not to stare back but he had to admit, she was making him _really_ uncomfortable. After a few minutes of him trying to act like he hadn't noticed her staring, he glanced over at her and found her still staring at him. He halfheartedly smiled, "What?"

She blushed and smiled back, "I'm sorry I keep looking at you."

"More like staring."

She blushed deeper, "I'm so sorry. You look _very_ familiar. Have we met before?"

Jake shook his head, "I doubt it."

"Oh," she said. "I know that I know you from somewhere but I can't put my finger on it."

_Might as well tell her, _he sighed to himself. "I'm kinda on a popular TV show and we have a pretty big fan base. Maybe you've seen that?"

Her eyes widened, "Really? What show?"

"Deadliest Catch on Discovery."

She laughed, "No way! My parents love that show! Which boat do you work on?"

"The Cornelia Marie."

Her voice softened, "Your captain is in the hospital isn't he? I'm so sorry to hear about that."

Jake's jaw tightened, "Yeah. He's also my dad."

She put her hand to her mouth in shock, "I'm so sorry. How is he doing?"

He shrugged, not really wanting to talk about it, "He's doing okay. The doctors are saying good things so we keep hoping he'll pull through."

She nodded and held out her hand, "I'm Nicole Bryant, by the way."

Jake smiled and leaned over and shook her hand, "Jake Harris." He cleared his throat awkwardly, "So, uh, what are you flying to LA for?"

"I got a new job at a rehab center. I know, I know. It's a weird job to have but some one's gotta do it. Ya know," she laughed.

His eyes widened, "Which rehab?"

"Pacific Hills. Why?"

_Oh my God. You can't be serious? _He ran hand through his hair, "I've heard it's a good rehab."

"Yeah," Nicole nodded. "So what are you going to LA for?"

Jake's mind raced, not wanting to admit that he was on the way to that exact rehab. "I, uh," he mumbled, "I've gotta go work on some legal stuff for the Marie. Just in case pops doesn't, uh, make it back out."

"I thought you said the doctors were saying he was doing good?"

He relaxed when she bought the lie, "Yeah, but you can just tell when some one really isn't doing okay. Ya know?"

Nicole nodded, "I'm so sorry to hear that, Jake."

A few hours later, the plane landed and Nicole and Jake said their goodbyes. Nicole had given Jake her number and told him that she hoped that they would see each other soon. He had smiled and said he would call her when he got the chance. But as he drove to Pacific Hills. He thought to himself, _You'll see me sooner than what you thought._ He glanced down at the dash and saw the "No Smoking" sticker. He rolled his eyes and peeled it off. He grabbed his pack from the passenger seat and pulled out a cigarette. As he lit it, he wondered if they would let him smoke. He had so many questions about Pacific Hills, that it was almost driving him crazy. _I should have asked Nicole._ He took a drag, _Nah. _Then he thought again, _Well she's gonna find out any way. She works there for Christ's sake! _All of the sudden, Josh's words played in his head, "_If you had actually done some research on your own time, you would actually know something about this place!_" He shook his head, _I'm sure it looks to Astri like I didn't want to do this at all_. He finished his cigarette and said, "I'll just have to stay sober to show her."


	16. Chapter 16

Astri sighed and plopped down on her dad's bed. She threw herself back and buried her face in Sig's pillow. Moments before, she had been happen as she talked to Jake. Then suddenly, she was overwhelmingly frustrated. Her phone rang from somewhere on the bed. Blindly, she groped for her phone. When her hand finally landed on it, she answered, "Hello?"

"Astri? Why is your voice muffled," Josh asked.

"Because my dad's pillow is on my face."

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to call and ask if you could tell Sig that I'm gonna stay on the Marie tonight," he said. "I forgot we were docked a few yards down."

"Why are you gonna stay there?"

He sighed, "I think it would be best since I told you that I think you should be with me and you told me you wanted to be with Jake. I just think we need some space."

She rolled her eyes, "Please tell me you're not mad."

"No," he said, "I'm not mad. Just disappointed."

Astri nodded even though she knew he couldn't tell, "Okay. I'll tell dad."

"Thanks, Astri," he said. "I'll see you bright and early in the morning."

"Roger," she hung up and put Sig's pillow back on her face. _We don't need space. There's nothing between us to make us need space. He just can't get a grip on the fact that I want to be with his little brother. He's just jealous. _She sat up and decided to go up to the wheelhouse to talk to her dad. Astri walked up the stairs and knocked on the door. Sig yelled from inside, letting her know that it was safe to go in. She walked in and sat down in the co-captain's chair. "So," she started, "Josh is going to stay on the Cornelia tonight."

Sig looked up from his paperwork and coffee, "Really? Why is that?"

"He said that he and I need "space"," she said, complete with air quotations around the word "space". "Which is stupid as hell, might I add, since there is nothing between us that makes us need space."

"He thinks you guys need space since you want to be with Jake, right?" He waited for her to nod, "Then why are you so upset about him staying with his crew?"

"I'm not upset that he's staying with his crew, dad. I'm frustrated that he thinks we need space." She ran a hand through her hair and stared at the Trailblazer that was docked in front of them.

"Look," Sig said as he lit his cigarette, "he just wants to get his mind clear since you guys have been stuck on the same boat since January and now everything that is happening with Phil. He probably just _thinks_ he has feelings for you but in reality, he probably doesn't. He just needs some one to lean on and be there for him and he probably took those feelings and turned them into something totally different."

Astri nodded and continued to stare at the Trailblazer, "So what about Jake? Do you have an answer for him?"

Sig nodded, "He's probably going to come back clean and realize that he wasn't thinking clearly when he said he had feelings for you. There's a good chance it was the drugs talking, Astri." He looked over at her and smiled, "Cigarette?"

Without looking at him, she nodded and held out her hand, "Please and thanks."

He laughed to himself and thew one across the wheelhouse to her, "Heads up." He turned back around and ashed his out of the window, "But if I ever catch you smoking again, I'll skin you alive and sacrifice you to the crab gods. Got it?"

She nodded and opened a drawer, looking for a lighter, "Yes, sir." She lit up her cigarette and took a deep breath. Exhaling, she felt calmer and more relaxed as if the world had just melted away. She looked over her left shoulder and saw a picture of her when she was about seven and Sig on the bow of the Northwestern. She smiled and pointed at the picture, "I remember taking this. Mom took it, didn't she?"

Sig nodded, "Yeah. That was the Opie season right before she handed me the divorce papers and demand I signed them right then."

Astri hesitated about what she should say next. She remembered that when Sig was out fishing, one of her mom's "old high school friends" would come stay with them. Then, about two weeks before her dad would come home, her mother and her "friend" would get into a heated argument and then they would lock themselves in the bedroom for days. Astri wasn't oblivious; she knew what was happening. She knew her mother was cheating on Sig while he was gone. For a while, Sig stayed faithful and unaware to what was happening in his house back in Seattle. But when Astri accidentally let it slip one day, Sig started meeting nameless and faceless girls at the bar at the harbor. Once Kari found out that he knew about her and her friend, she left Astri with Mary Harris and the boys while she went to Dutch Harbor and served Sig with divorce papers. Astri struggled with trying to find something to say. All she could come up with was, "She left me with Jake and Josh when she came up here."

He nodded again and took a long drag off of his cigarette, "Yeah. And I'm glad she did. I would never had wanted you to see what had happened. She brought that jackass up here with her and looked me dead in the eye and said, "I'm leaving you for him, Sigurd. Would you be so kind as to sign these now?" I've never been so mad in my life."

"What did you do?"

"What any sensible man would do," he grinned. "I took the papers to the galley, took my damn sweet time reading them and getting Norman to make sure everything was okay, took them back out, handed them to your mom, and punched that fucker she was cheating on me with square in the jaw. And then I walked away."

Astri laughed so hard she had stitched in her sides. When she finally caught her breath, she asked, "Did he press charges?"

"Nope," he smiled. "I think he knew that the Hansen clan would be worse than anything legal he could throw at us." He cleared his throat, "But I fought with everything I had to get custody of you. I had to talk the court into letting you stay with mom while I was gone until you were old enough to come out to fish with me. Remember that?"

She nodded, "I remember the custody battle. I remember mom would show up at your house when you were home and scream and bitch through the front door since you wouldn't open it. She was crazy. And didn't that guy end up leaving her?"

Sig took another long drag, "Yeah. About two weeks after the divorce was finalized. You don't know how vindicated I felt, Astri."

"It serves her right," she said. "Before the court let me go stay with bestemor, she was a total rampaging bitch at home. I would dread going home after school so I would go to Jake and Josh's house until eight o' clock. And every day, Mary would tell mom that it wasn't good that I was always at her house with the boys. Then mom would bitch and scream at me for going over there. It was bad, dad."

"I know," he sighed. "And if it could have been avoided, it would have been. But I can't give up fishing."

She smiled, "I never asked you to, dad. I'm just glad that crazy witch is out of my life."

"Me too," he nodded. "She was nothing but trouble even from the beginning."

"They why did you even propose to her?"

"Because I loved her and I would have done anything for her." He looked over at his daughter and held her gaze, "Kind of like how you would do anything for Jake and he would take a bullet for you."

* * *

bestemor- grandmother


	17. Chapter 17

Two weeks after getting back from Dutch Harbor, Astri and Josh were sitting at the little German cafe again. Astri sipped her coffee and looked at Josh over the lip of the mug, "So I forgot to ask but how was every one?"

He looked up with a mouth full of waffle, "Who?"

"Your crew, retard," she rolled her eyes.

"Oh," he laughed, "Freddy was pretty torn up. But I mean, him and dad are best friends. And Steve was pretty upset."

Astri nodded and opened her mouth to say something until Josh's phone rang. She looked at him as he stared at it with a confused look on his face. She cleared her throat, "Are you going to answer it?"

Josh nodded and put his phone up to his ear, "Hello?" He stared at Astri but he never actually saw her. His heart had stopped as soon as he recognized the doctor's voice. He hadn't heard everything the doctor had said but he heard just enough.

"You might want to come down, sir."

He stared at Astri with panic written all over his face and worry in his eyes.

"Oh, no," she whispered. At the same time, they both stood up and Astri put a wad of cash on the table that was most likely more than enough for their breakfast. They ran out of the cafe and into the light snow. As they sprinted to Josh's truck, Astri thought back to that morning when her and Josh went to see Phil.

_Astri walked into Phil's room and smiled when he looked at her, "Hey, sweetie. How are you?"_

_ He shrugged, "Okay, I guess." He looked behind her for his oldest son, "Josh?"_

_ "He stayed outside to finish his cigarette. He didn't have much left," she said.  
_

_ Phil nodded, "How's Jake?"_

_ Astri's smile fell, "I haven't talked to him lately. He usually gets one phone call a week if he doesn't cause any trouble or relapse." She walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed and took his hand in hers, "Last time I talked to him, he said he was going to call you."_

_ He smiled, "It's like jail."_

_ "Yeah, it kind of is. But he can get out of this place. Most jails wont let you out," she laughed._

_ "How do you know?"_

_ She smiled and kissed his cheek, "You'd be surprised at what I know, old man."_

_ A few minutes later, Josh walked in, still shaking the snow off of his jacket. He walked over to Phil and hugged him, "Hey, pops. How's it going?"_

_ Phil looked at his hand and saw droplets of water on his palm, "Is it snowing outside?"_

_ "Uh," Josh glanced over his shoulder and out of the window, "Yeah. It's snowing alittle. Why?"_

_ "I can't wait till I see it again," he said, not really to any one in general._

_ Josh looked over at Astri and smiled, "So what were you guys talking about before I got in here?"_

_ "Jail," they both said at the same time._

_ Josh laughed and sat down in a chair by the bed, "Why were you guys talking about jail? Who got locked up?"_

_ "Jake," Phil laughed._

_ "Yeah, he sort of did," Josh nodded."Hey, has John been up here today?"_

_ Phil nodded, "Earlier."_

_ There was a soft knock on the door and some one called from the other side of the door, "Captain Harris?"_

_ Astri stood up and opened the door. She smiled at the short nurse, "Yes?"_

_ "Oh," she smiled back. "I didn't know he had family right now. I'll come back later."_

_ "C'mon in," Phil said and motioned her in._

_ "I've just gotta check your blood pressure and all of that fun stuff. Is that okay," she asked Josh and Astri._

_ "Yeah," Josh smiled. He looked down at his dad, "Hey, we're gonna go grab something to eat. We'll be back in a little bit. Don't go any where, okay?"_

_ Phil smiled, "Okay."_

_ They walked out into the hallway and Astri grabbed Josh's sleeve. Before she could say anything, Josh nodded, "I know. He could only say a few words at a time. It's not looking good, Astri."_

_ "Are you sure you want to leave? You can stay and I can go get some food," she offered._

_ "No," he put his arm around her shoulders, "he'll be okay."_

Josh and Astri ran down the hall toward Phil's room, pushing nurses and doctors out of their way. They ran to the door and threw it open to see Phil laying with his eyes closed. Astri would have sworn that he was just taking a nap except that she knew he wasn't. Josh collapsed and hit his knees, holding his head in his hands. Silent sobs shook his shoulders and tears fell onto his jeans, leaving dark stains behind. Astri felt light headed and had to stable herself against the wall to keep from falling. She leaned down and pulled Josh to her and buried her face in his neck. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tighter than he had ever done before.

After a while, Josh and Astri had collected themselves enough that they were standing by the bed, hand in hand, saying their silence goodbyes. Lyrics from Astri's grandfather's favorite song played in her head, over and over again, "_G__lad I told you all I meant to while I had the chance/'Cause every moment I had with you/Made me who I am_." She tighten her grip on Josh's hand when a doctor walked in.

He looked sadly at Josh, "I'm so sorry, Mister Harris. We did everything we could."

"Don't," Josh held up his hand, "Just call me Josh." He motioned to Phil, "This is Mister Harris. I'm jus his son."

The doctor nodded, "I understand. But I just want to tell you that we did everything we could."

Josh nodded, "Thank you."

The doctor nodded and left Astri and Josh to their thoughts. She looked up at him, "I'll give you a minute." He nodded and let go of her hand, his eyes never leaving Phil. Astri walked out into the hallway and into a waiting room and pulled out her cell phone. She quickly dialed Johnathan's number and told him that Phil hadn't made it. He had gone quiet and only said, "I'll call Andy" and hung up. She sighed and called Sig.

After a few rings, he finally picked up, "Yeah?"

"Daddy," she sobbed.

"Hey, honey," he soothed. "What's wrong?"

"Phil... Phil didn't make it, dad."

Sig froze and rage towards God coursed through his body. "I'll call you back," was all he could say and threw his phone across the wheelhouse. He picked up his pack of cigarettes and spun on the camera, "These things! These things will kill you!" The cameraman ducked as he threw them across the wheelhouse too. "It shouldn't have been Phil," he growled at the camera. The little cameraman opened his mouth to ask a question until Sig glared at him, "Open your fucking mouth to ask me a fucking stupid question, and I promise you that your ass will _never_ work for Discovery again. So if you love your job, get that God damned camera out of my wheelhouse in half a second. Got it?" He glanced over his shoulder and saw the guy running down the stairs to avoid pissing him off any more. When he was sure he was alone, he stared out of the window and watched as the weather calmed down to where the water looked like glass. He smiled to himself as a seagull landed on the bow, "Thanks, Phil. You're always watching out for the rest of us." For the first time in years, Sig let himself cry.

Josh sat down in the waiting room beside Astri and sighed, "I need to call Jake." Astri nodded numbly and pulled up the number for Pacific Hills. He typed in the number and waited for some one to answer.

"Pacific Hills rehab Clinic. How may I help you," a cheery woman asked.

"Um, I need to speak with my little brother. He's a, uh, patient there," he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"What's his name?"

"Jacob Harris," he sighed.

"I'm sorry, sir, but Jake is only allowed one phone call a week."

"What? He hasn't used his this week."

"It says that he called," she paused, "a hospital today. It says he called it about an hour and a half ago."

"That's why I'm calling," Josh said. "He called to talk to our dad. He just passed away twenty minutes ago."

The woman sat silent, "I'm so sorry, sir. I'll call him up immediately."

A few minutes later, Jake picked up the phone, "Yeah?"

"Jake," Josh choked at the sound of his little brother's voice, "I don't know how to say this but... We lost dad, dude."


	18. Chapter 18

Johnathan tried to stop the sobs that had begun four hours ago when Astri called him and told him that Phil had passed away. He took a drag off of his cigarette and scowled at the smoke as he exhaled. _I'm quitting,_ he thought bitterly. _These things took Phil and I'm not going to let them take me. _He walked out on to the balcony and threw his half smoke cigarette and nearly full pack out into the night. He stood in the freezing wind and snow in an old Time Bandit shirt that he had cut the sleeves off of and no jacket. Even though he didn't have his signature USA jacket on, he couldn't feel anything. Sighing, he walked back inside and called his younger brother.

"Hello," Andy sang as he answered.

"Hey, Andy," John mumbled.

"What's the news, my brother?"

John sighed, "That's what I'm calling about. Phil, uh, passed away about four or five hours ago."

The line fell so silent that Johnathan thought the call had disconnected until Andy spoke again, "What?"

"Yeah," he said, "Phil's gone, dude."

"Oh, man," Andy said. His knees buckled and he sat down in the captain's chair. "How are the boys?"

"I haven't seen Josh today. I know he's at the airport right now to pick up Jake."

"Pick up Jake? From where?"

"Rehab," Johnathan sighed as he sat down on his bed.

"Are you serious? Dude," Andy trailed off.

"I know, brother," he said. "I'll let you get back to fishing. Be safe out there. I love you, man."

"Love you too, bro. I'll call Keith in a few and tell him."

Johnathan closed his eyes and laid down. Memories of good times and good pranks flooded his mind. He smiled as he remembered all of the times he and Phil tried to one up each other on their motorcycles. He remembered calling Phil at three in the morning to tell him that he was a proud father when Scotty was born. As payback, Phil called him at two when Josh was born and at one when Jake was born. "_Payback is a bitch, Hillstrand,_" Phil had said. Johnathan smiled to himself, _It was a vicious cycle, buddy. And it looks like you got the last laugh._

Andy looked at the phone in his hand. He couldn't believe the the words that had just passed through it. "_Phil's gone, dude._" Andy shook his head and stood up. He started to pace, still trying to register what had happened. Slowly, he dialed the Wizard's number.

Keith jumped as his phone rang, "Hello?"

"Keith, it's Andy Hillstrand."

"Hey, man. What's happening?"

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," Andy paused. He didn't know how to break the news so he just said it, "Phil passed away today."

Keith's heart pounded, "This better not be a joke, Hillstrand!"

"Why the hell would I joke about something like this, Colburn? It's terrible but it's the truth whether you wanna believe it or not."

Keith instantly felt tear build up in his eyes, "Oh my God. H – Hang on, Andy." He set the phone down and picked up the mic for the hailer, "Guys, c'mon in. I, uh, I gotta talk to you about something." He watched as his crew walked in and Monte stopped and looked up at the wheelhouse. Keith motioned for him to go in and picked the phone back up, "Thanks for telling me, Andy. I'm, uh, I'm gonna go talk to the guys."

"No problem, man. Be safe out here," Andy said.

"You too," Keith said and hung up.

On the Northwestern, Sig tried to figure out a way to tell his crew the news. Sighing, he stood up and walked out of the back door and stood by the hydraulics. "Edgar," he yelled.

"What?"

"Tell the guys I need to talk to them in the galley," Sig told him.

"Roger," Edgar said. He watched as his oldest brother walked back into the wheelhouse. He had noticed that Sig's body language was different. He hadn't seemed his usual, abrasive self. Now, Sig looked as if he was defeated or disappointed. Edgar shook his head and looked at the crew, "Hey! Captain wants to talk to us in the galley." The crew responded with grumbles and complaints. Edgar rolled his eyes, "Oh, shut up and go inside."

Andy picked up the mic and pushed the button, "Hey, guys. Let's take a break and talk about something. Come on up to the wheelhouse." He watched as every one signaled that they had heard and quickly finished what they were doing. He waited patiently as every one piled in to the wheelhouse and got situated. "I, um," he started, "I don't know how to say this but I just got off of the phone with Johnathan and, uh, he said that Phil is gone."

His crew stared at him in a loss for words. "You've got to be kidding," Mike Fourtner mumbled.

Andy shook his head, "We don't know when the funeral is but if they have it we're still out here, you can bet your asses we'll go back to Dutch to be there."

Every one nodded and stared at nothing, lost in thought or trying to understand how this could have happened.

"Well," Andy sighed, "let's pull these last ten pots and call it a night. I don't want you guys out there with this on your mind." The crew nodded and silently made their way out of the wheelhouse and back onto deck.

Keith walked into the galley and leaned against a wall, "Alright, guys. Andy Hillstrand called me and told me that our good friend Phil passed away today." He felt his throat tighten with tears that threatened to fall as he spoke, "If you guys want to, we can put the season on hold and go to the funeral whenever it is." He looked up at the faces of his crew. He saw anger, sadness, shock, disbelief, and blankness. Keith tried to find some comfort from Monte but his brother was too lost in his thoughts to offer any. He broke the silence, "What do you guys want to do?"

"We need to be at that funeral," Travis Lofland said.

Keith nodded, "I agree. You guys can have the rest of the night off. We'll start again some time tomorrow." He turned around and walked back up to his wheelhouse to be completely alone.

Monte looked up ans sighed, "Suddenly, the fishing deadline doesn't mean a damn thing."

Sig slowly walked down the stares into the galley. He looked at his two younger brothers and his crew. Sighing, he sat down beside Matt. "I talked to Astri today," he ran a hand over his face, "and she told me that Phil passed away this morning."

As soon as the words left Sig's lips, Jake Anderson burst into tears. Sig looked away from him and looked at his youngest brother and saw him openly crying, not bothering to wipe the tears off of his face. Matt, Norman, and Nick were staring at the table, trying to hold themselves together.

Sig stood up and looked at every one, "I don't give a damn what you guys say. We're going to the funeral." His crew back at him and nodded, not saying a word. Sig looked at his brothers again and shook his head as he walked back to his wheelhouse.

The captains all had different ways they went about telling their crews. But one thing that was the same was the deafening silence that followed after they heard the news. Phil's death caught the fleet off guard and shook them all to their core. With all of the crew's silences combined, as deafening as they were, it was nothing compared to the silence in the Cornelia Marie wheelhouse.


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry for the wait. I've been super busy lately with work, school and gossiping with JakeHarrisLover. Speaking of her, this chapter is dedicated to her. :) Surprise, nibal! Lmao!

Btw, I think this one is about to end... But I already have ideas for my next story. :)

* * *

Jake stared at his hands as they shook. It seemed as if they hadn't stopped since he had heard about his father's death. Nothing could calm him down or make him feel better. All he wanted to do was lose himself in a pill bottle. Getting clean didn't matter any more. Phil was gone. _But Josh and Astri are still here,_ he argued with himself. He shook his head, _It still doesn't matter. They have each other to lean on. I don't need to get clean._ In his pocket, his phone buzzed. Thinking it was a text message, he ignored it. It buzzed repeatedly, telling him that it wasn't a text message. He groaned and pulled out his phone. Glancing down at the scree, he raised an eyebrow, _Why is Nicole calling me?_ He answered, "Hello?"

"Hey, Jake," she said sweetly. "How are you doing?"

Still confused, he mumbled, "I'm, uh, not doing so well. How did you get my cell phone number?"

"I kind of stole it from the rehab," she said quickly. "I know, it was stupid but when I found out you were one of my patients there and then I learned about your dad's death, I just wanted to call and give you my condolences."

His brows furrowed, "Thanks?"

"So, you said you weren't doing so well. Are you just upset or what?"

Jake felt himself getting mad. His father had just died and this witch wanted to talk about if he was _upset_? Well, of course he was upset. All he wanted to do was take some pills and curl up in a bed and sleep for days. He had never felt an urge to be numb so strong before. Jake cleared his throat, "Look Nicole, I understand you feel bad and care or whatever but I don't think this is the right time to talk about how I _feel_."

"But this is the best time," she said. "It's best to talk when your emotions are fresh. Does being upset want to make you take pills?"

"Look, I'll call you in a few days. Maybe." He hung up and threw his phone in the empty seat beside him.

How could that woman call and ask, "How does your father's death make you feel? Hmm? Are you upset?" Like hell he was! He barely knew how to think straight without his thoughts drifting from his dad to a pill bottle. _Look,_ he said to himself, _you have to stay clean. Astri is counting on you to be clean. Even though dad is gone, you still promised him you would. Now that he's gone, you have to stick to your word no matter what now._ He ran hand through his hair and glanced over at his phone. He sighed and picked it up. He looked down at his hands as they still shook and rolled his eyes. Mentally arguing with himself, he dialed a some one's number and waited for them to answer. He knew they wouldn't but it was worth a shot.

The ringing finally stopped and a voicemail recording picked up, "Hey, guys. You've reached my voicemail 'cause I either didn't want to talk to you or I'm out fishing. Either way, I doubt you'll hear back from me. So if you want, leave a message. And if this is you, Jacob, you still owe me twenty bucks."

Tears streamed down Jake's face as he dialed another number. He knew he would get an answer this time. He waited as it rang a few times and then some one finally answered. "I'm glad you called back, Jake," Nicole said.

"Yeah," he mumbled, still wiping tears off of his face, "I figured you're the only one I could tell that I'm craving without you getting mad."

"I'm alittle disappointed but that's understandable. You were only here for about two weeks or so," she said. "So how bad do you want to start taking pills again?"

He sighed, "I just wanna take a handful and lay in bed. I promised my dad I was gonna get clean but I don't know if I can now. He was my best friend." Jake rubbed his eyes with his hand out of frustration. How in the world could he suddenly trust this woman enough to talk about his problems with her? He had only met her about two weeks ago on a flight. _There's something about her that I can trust._ He rolled his eyes, _Are you kidding me? I barely know this woman and here I am, spilling my heart to her. I seriously need to get my shit together._

"How long is your flight, Jake? I feel this is going to be a long conversation," Nicole asked.

Jake checked the time on his phone, "I've got about three more hours."

Josh waited anxiously for Jake's flight to come in. Every time a flight would land, he would become anxious and start looking for Jake. Finally when his brother's flight landed, he saw Jake slowly walking off of the plane, on the phone with some one. Jake saw his brother waiting on him and quickly said goodbye to Nicole and hung up. He walked over to Josh and looked up at him for a few seconds. At the same time, they embraced each other and held on for dear life. They were all each other had left; they were the only Harris' left.

Jake let go of Josh and rubbed his face, "Was it painful?"

Josh swallowed hard and looked away, not saying anything. He couldn't tell his little brother that their dad had passed away in one of the most painful ways possible. Josh couldn't bring himself to say it.

Jake collapsed in a close chair and held his head in his hands. "God damn it," he whispered. "This was my fault, Josh."

He looked down at his little brother and grabbed his shoulders, "No it wasn't, Jacob. None one could have known this was going to happen. Dad finding out you were an addict didn't cause his stroke. His medical history was screaming at us that it was going to happen one day soon and we all chose to ignore it. This had _nothing _to do with you. Okay?"

"Josh," Jake choked, "what are the chances that pops walked in on me taking his pills and then the next day he had a stroke? Were the planets just perfectly alined then? All of this happened because of me."

Josh shook his head, "I know I can't make you think differently but it's the truth, Jake. None of this had to do with him finding out about your addiction." He sat down beside him, "Don't you think he would have rather known then have been suspicious of you?"

Jake stared at the floor and then finally nodded, "I guess. I just wish I could have gotten to say goodbye and that I'm sorry."

"I know, Jake," he rubbed Jake's back. "But you can say goodbye at the funeral." He stood up and cleared his throat, "Let's get you to the hotel. You look like you could use some sleep."

_And some pills,_ Jake thought to himself and nodded.


	20. Chapter 20

Astri groaned and opened her eyes. She reached over and picked up her phone to check the time. _Are you kidding me? I've only had my eyes closed for ten minutes. It feels like it's been an eternity._ She sat up and ran a hand through her hair. There was a light knock at the door. It was so faint that Astri thought twice about getting up and answering the door. She walked over and cracked the door open a few inches and then suddenly threw it open and began sobbing.

Jake leaned down and pulled her into a hug and let her cry on his chest. He buried his face in her hair and cried with her. He never would have thought that he would be crying _with _Astri. There had been plenty of times when she had cried on his chest like this but he had never cried with her. As he held her, he realized that his craving for pills had nearly vanished. Nearly; not completely.

Astri pulled away from Jake and held his face in her hands. Without thinking twice, she pulled his face to hers and kissed him passionately on the lips. She held nothing back and put everything into the kiss. Jake got the message and kissed her back with ferocity. He started to rub his hands up and down her sides. His breathing became heavy and his body temperature was rising. Then something clicked and he stepped away from Astri and shook his head. "No," he said, trying to catch his breath. "Not right now, Astri. Neither of us can think straight."

She fixed her shirt and nodded, "I'm sorry, Jake. I – I don't know what happened."

He smiled halfheartedly, "It's okay. It happens to a lot of girls when they're around me."

She rolled her eyes, "So how are you?"

"I'm okay," he shrugged. "I take that back. I'm a fucking wreck. I can barely think straight." _And I want to start back on pills. _

Astri sat down on her bed, "Thats about how Josh is." She looked up at him, "How is your sobriety holding up though?"

"I, uh, I'm okay." He sat down beside her and put his head in his hands as she rubbed his back, "It's hard, I'm not gonna lie. But I think I'll be okay. Just to make sure, though, I'm gonna go back after everything is settled."

She nodded and laid her head on his shoulder, "I want you one hundred percent clean, Jake. So does Josh. And Phil did too."

Jake stood up and started pacing the room. He ran his hands through his hair nervously and started to ramble, "That's the thing! Josh got to say goodbye and I didn't. Think about it, Astri, it's just my luck too. Of course _I'm _the addict and _Josh_ is the perfect son and at dad's side in an instant. It's always been like that. Josh has always been the perfect son." He looked over at her, "He's gone and I never got to say goodbye and he didn't get to see me walk out of rehab, sober."

Astri watched as he paced and his breathing became more irregular as he became increasingly mad. She had nothing to say that would calm him down. Everything always happened like that. Josh was always at the right place at the right time as Jake was at the wrong place at the worst possible time. She sighed, "Jake, you were at rehab, keeping a promise to your dad. He was happy you were there than sitting around here, depressed and possibly taking pills."

Jake glared at her, "I should have been here though! I should have been by his side like a normal son would be!"

"Jake!" Astri stood up and grabbed him by the shoulders, "You were getting clean for him! If he was still here, he'd be so proud to see you right now. Look, you're clean. You're not standing here, thinking how you could get your hands on something that will throw you into an oblivion. You're standing here, talking to me coherently. And Phil would be so proud of you, Jacob. He would be so proud."

He shook her hands off of his shoulders, "Yeah, some son I am. As soon as I got off the phone with Josh, I started going through my contacts in my head and trying to figure out how I can get some pills. Just like you said. I swear, Astri, some times you can read minds." He turned around and walked towards the door, "But even if you can, don't tell Josh what I just told you."

She ran up behind him and spun him around, "Jacob Charles Harris, you better not walk out of that door and get pills."

"And what if I do?"

"What if you do?" Astri straightened her back and spoke through gritted teeth, "I'll make your life a living hell, Jacob. Not only will I tell Josh, but I'll call Johnathan and Sig. If I've told you once, I've told you a million times that my father would be down here in a split second to _beat_ your ass in to sobriety. And you know he wouldn't "take it easy" since he thinks of you as a son. Oh no, it would be ten times worse. So you better think twice before you walk out that door, Jacob Charles."

Jake stared down at her and held her gaze, "I need those pills, Astri."

She pulled her right hand back and laid it on Jake's face. The contact made a sharp smack noise that hung in the silence that followed. He stared at her with his jaw clenched as she stared back at the red hand print that was quickly appearing on his left cheek and jaw. "Jake," she whispered, "I – I'm so sorry. I don't know w – what happened."

"Really," he said quietly with venom lacing every word, "'cause I do." He put his left hand to his face and microscopically winced. He closed his eyes and then opened them to glare at her. "Watch me walk out this door," he said all too calmly.

Astri blinked furiously but couldn't clear her blurry vision as she watched Jake walk out of her room and toward the elevators. She wanted to scream his name or run out and stop him but she was frozen to the spot. When the elevator doors closed, hiding Jake behind them, she collapsed on the floor and sobbed. Loud sobs shook her small frame and couldn't be controlled. Astri didn't even know if she wanted to control them. The tears were her frustration from the situation between having to choose between Jake or Josh, losing Phil, Jake going to rehab, and now he was walking out of the lobby, about to relapse. Everything she had bottled up in the past few weeks had finally bubbled to the surface and she finally let go. The first thing that cracked the damn was kissing Jake. And then she had actually slapped him. She hadn't meant to. Astri never wanted to slap anyone.

She held onto the carpet to keep her bearings somewhat stable. Her world was spinning so fast that it was falling around her shoulders. Her best friend was in love with her, and so was his brother, her adopted second father had passed away, and the man she was quickly falling for was about to relapse and mess up everything he had worked so hard for. _I have to tell Josh, _she thought as she picked herself off of the floor and fumbled her way to her bed.


	21. Chapter 21

I am so sorry it took me so long to update... I've be out of town with ZERO internet. The only reason this chapter is up now, is because of nonstop heckling from JakeHarrisLover. Hahaha! Just kidding. Love ya, guh. :) But this may be the shortest chapter I've ever written and I apologize... :( This chapter was hard as all get out to write... Any way, I hope you enjoy. And this chapter is dedicated to my mom since she's the one who got me clean and caught me before I was an addict. :)

* * *

Josh slammed the door of his truck and glared at Jake as he stumbled into the hotel. His hands shook as he watched his little brother walk into the lobby and look around as if he were lost. Josh was so mad that he couldn't even form coherent thoughts. _If dad were here_, he trailed off to himself. Astri had called him, sobbing, and told him what had happened and that Jake was going out to get more drugs after he had worked so hard to stay sober. After he found Jake at one of the bars, Josh had drug him out to the parking lot and ruffed him up a bit. But nothing had slapped any sense into him.

They stepped on to the elevator and Josh continued to glare at Jake. Finally Jake couldn't take it any more. Without looking back at him, he snapped, "Either say something or find something else to stare at, dude."

"I'd shut your mouth if I were you, Jake," Josh shot back.

"Or what? You're gonna tell dad? Well guess what, Josh!" He spun around and looked Josh dead in the eye, "You can't."

Josh's fists tightened at his sides, "Jake, you better shut your damn mouth _right now_ before you get yourself killed."

"Why? You won't do anything. You always threaten to do something but you never follow through."

"Jake," Josh seethed. "Shut your fucking mouth."

Jake rolled his eyes and turned back around to stare at the reflective elevator doors, "You're just too wrapped up in Astri to even know what's going on."

Josh stepped in front of his brother and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and held him there, "_I _don't know whats going on? Out of the two of us, I'm probably the only one who's thinking clearly. You're too fucked up and "wrapped up" in yourself pity that _you _don't know what's going on." He threw his brother aways from him and shook his head, "I should have done what dad was going to do. I should have just let you do your own thing and let you be dead to me."

Jake stared at his older brother in shock, "How do you know he said that?"

"We all heard it, Jake. Every one on that damn boat heard it!"

"But you guys were outside."

Josh shook his head, "You were really fucked up weren't you? Do you even remember that day?"

Jake shook his head, "All I remember is falling in the crab tank and dad finding out."

Josh rolled his eyes, "You thought you were so big and bad because you thought no one knew. Well guess what, Jake. We knew as soon as you were late getting on deck."

Jake shook his head, "Whatever, Josh. I'm sick of you acting like you know everything. You _don't _know everything."

"And what don't I know, Jake?"

The doors of the elevator opened and Jake stepped out and walked toward Astri's room. He called over his shoulder, "There are just somethings that I want to keep to myself, okay?" He heard Josh say something and and follow him down the hall but he didn't stop and confront him. Jake kept walking toward Astri's room. Aside from getting sober again, he need to fix everything between him and Astri.

He walked up to the door and knocked quietly. Slowly, Astri opened the door and looked up at Jake with red eyes. Instantly, Jake felt guilt was over him and he felt the need to pull her close. "A – Astri," he choked up, "I'm so sorry."

She shook her head and opened the door, "I shouldn't have slapped you, Jake."

He pulled her into a hug, "I shouldn't have gone out and messed everything up." He looked over Astri and saw Johnathan sitting at the desk in her room. He let go of Astri and walked over to John. The looked at each other for a few seconds and pulled each other into an embrace. When they let go, Jake cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, dude."

John nodded his head, "Yeah, you are, Jake. But I'm still gonna look out for you."

"And so am I," Josh said from the door way. "Even though you're a jack ass and an idiot for going out and getting messed up, I still love you and I want the best for you."

Jake turned around and looked at his brother. He shifted his weight awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head, "Uh, thanks, man." He looked around and made eye contact with every one, "Is this an intervention?"

Josh pushed himself off of the door frame and walked over and clapped him on the back, "Yeah, this is a kind of intervention."

Jake shook his head and smiled. "I fee like a freaking jackass now."

John laughed and grabbed Jake's shoulders, "Making you feel like a jackass is what we do best, dude."


	22. Chapter 22

THIS IS IT! This is total the final chapter of this story. :) But I'm gonna continue _Dreaming of Vegas _and then God knows what... I'm sad to see Astri go. Any way, enjoy. :D

_One year later..._

Jake smiled down at Astri as they walked down the docks, toward the Cornelia Marie. She looked up at him and kissed him on the cheek. They had been together for the better part of the ten months that Jake had been sober. He squeezed her hand and jumped over the rail, landing on his right foot. He looked back at her and motioned for her to follow. She effortlessly jumped over and was instantly greeted by the crew. Jake slung his arm over her shoulder and pulled her close.

She looked up at him and laughed, "You don't have to protect me, Jake. I'm a grown woman."

"And a Hansen," Freddy called from the top of the crab pots.

Astri laughed, "I'm gonna go get lunch started."

Jake gave her a sultry kiss and watched her as she walked inside. He smiled to himself and thank God that she had stuck with him through everything that had happened in the past year. She helped him survive the death of his father, the arguments with his brother, and the battle for his sobriety. She had been the one who he would call from rehab and talk to about everything and ask how everything was going with the boat.

The boys had recently legally fought for the boat to be under their names since Phil was now gone. It had taken nearly seven months but finally Cornelia Marie Devlin, the co-owner, had finally agreed that it was in the boat's best interest that the Harris boys should continue the legacy that their father had left to them.

Jake couldn't believe that he was standing on _his_ boat. _What would pops say if he was here?_ He laughed to himself when he thought about what Phil would say.

He jumped when he felt some one walk up beside him. Josh hugged his brother and smiled, "It's crazy isn't it? She's ours now."

Jake nodded, "Dad wouldn't ever had believed it, ya know?"

Josh laughed, "He would have told us that we're gonna sink her."

"But you know he would have believed in you guys," Ryan said as he joined the boys by the rail. They stood in silence and looked out at the harbor. Every man was was reminiscing about the great friend and father that they had lost but they also thought about the great future that was now laid out in front of them.

The group jumped as music blared from the wheelhouse. They all looked up and found Astri standing behind the captain's chair, smiling. "Sorry," she called. "You guys looked like you could have used some music to work to."

"I thought you were fixing lunch," Josh called.

"With that attitude, you can fix your own damn lunch, Harris," Astri shot back.

He smiled and blew a kiss up to her. He turned around and looked at his brother as he looked up adoringly at the woman in the wheelhouse. Josh smiled and clapped his brother on the back, "You better not mess this up, man."

Jake tore his eyes away from the wheelhouse and smiled, "I'm trying not to."

Josh laughed and walked away to finish whatever he was doing before his brother arrived.

Jake turned back to the harbor and stared at the water. He knew his father loved to crab fish and he knew he loved it even more since his sons were with him to carry on his legacy. And now it was time for Jake and Josh to pick up their end of the deal. Jake smiled to himself, _Fair winds and seas, dad. I'm gonna miss you like hell but we'll try our damned hardest to make you proud. _


End file.
